If you are an avid reader of my blog then I have some bad news. I won't be posting for a while. I don't know for how long. Sorry guys. It's not forever, my next post (whenever it may be) will explain the reasons. Much love.
--Kait

A month or so I heard a song on the radio and the song the lyrics hit me like a brick. It was werid that I remember them becasue usually I just remember the melody of the song and a bit of the chorus, but somehow I rememberd most of the lyrics to this song after only hearing it once. Then tonight, while driving home from small group I heard another song by the same guy- Mat Kearney. I don't know what it is about this guy's lyrics, but they really get to me. "And I found myself in the bitter fight, while I've held your hand through the darkest night..." those are some of the lyrics to his song Nothing Left to Lose. Crashing Down says, "What am I doing here if you're not with me?" No doubt these songs remind me of God. When life is bitter and stupid, God's there and I'm holding his hand, he's the only thing there is to hold on to when everything else seems to be broken. And honestly, what is the point of being anywhere or doing anything if God isn't there, if you're not doing it for him? But these songs don't only remind me of God, they remind me of people in my life, or who aren't in my life anymore, and of circumstances and choices I've made. Those lyics from Nothing Left to Lose remind me of a couple years ago when I had to sit by and watch my friend battle an illness in the hospital. I'd visit her everyday. I wouldn't necessarily hold her hand while sitting in the dark, but it felt like it because she was in a dark period of her life and it was a dark period in my life too, a dark period for our friendship. She was fighting for her life and I was trying to fight for her.

Bottom Line: Mat Kearney has some pretty cool lyrics. Even though he is a guy, and often sings about guy issues, I can relate to what he's saying because I take it from a girls perspective. Lines like, "I guess I'm looking for the right way to do this, I guess I'm looking for the right things to call pretty... I've been looking round for someone to tell me who I am" talk about life as a boy with a shady father, but to me that song speaks about my struggle with self worth. Sweetness. If you don't listen to Mat Kearney then check him out, he's pretty sweet.

http://www.matkearney.com/

"When all is lost, all is left to gain" --Mat Kearney

what could I possibly give?

There are multiple things I could be posting about right now, but most of them can wait.
It may seem selfish, but this blog is going to be about me. Sorry I know... so stop reading now if your uninterested.

For those who are, here goes. Lately I feel useless. I sit at home most days, reading my Bible or blogging or posting on facebook. Ocasionally I'll take my dog out for a walk, or go outside and take some pictures. Most days I see at least one friend, which is good. But I still feel useless. At least when I was in school I was contributing somehow. At least there I can actually be a witness to others (though my actions had to speak, cuz my words often didn't). But how am I contributing to society or to furthering God's Kingdom when I sit at home all day by myself? Every so often I'll have a conversation with one of my boss's at work about religion and ocasionally I will get an encouraging comment on my blogg. But other than that my life is null. How have the past 4 weeks contributed to anyone's faith but my own?

Well next week I have a interview for a full-time decently paying job. At least then I will be making money and not sittingat my house. But I feel restless. There is something missing here. And today I think I found out what it is. I want to be a youth psychologist when I'm done University. I have a heart that breaks for my generation and the generations that will come after me. I cry when I even think about some of the issues that face teens today. I hate it. I hate the fact that so many people are out there dying inside because no one ever told them that they are loved. Especially that they are loved by God. I want to show youth that they can have something more. I know what it feels like to lose something, whether it's friends, family, health, security, ideals, innocence, or self worth. I just want to somehow give back. But to be honest can I really do anything? Can one person really make an impact on other people's lives?

I was reading an article on the Embassy Website today called "I couldn't get the poorest of poor out mind". This article really made me think about what I can do to help others, becasue sitting in my warm, big house with tons of food and entertainment just doesn't cut it. But I can't MAKE a difference. I can't make anything. Only God can. So today I learned that if I give what little time and resources I have to God, he can use them like he used three fish and five loaves of bread.

"Of course we are going to feel despair at what difference we can “make” in the world amongst the images on our TV of millions of suffering people, if we depend on our own resources, wisdom and power. Yet as Temples of the Holy Spirit, when someone asks us or when we wonder what we can offer the millions of people in extreme need, we no longer have to look to ourselves and despair, but instead look to the One who inhabits us and realize He is the difference. Yes it’s easier to change the channel than change the world. Yet when we “bring the difference:” God Himself, into the impoverished communities and back alleys of our world, we are able to live and provide through the power of the One who fed thousands of people from a packed lunch."

I know I can't do anything. But God, well he can do everything. He can work miracles if you trust him enough to do so. I think our lack of belief and trust in God is what reaps our dissatisfaction with the impact we ahve made. We don't trust in God so we depend on ourselves, but that's not right. Sometimes you have to act first, ask questions later. You have to take the step of faith first, and then you'll get the results. That's why it's called faith.