Ode to Procrastination

Oh the woes of a procrastinating student.

I found this photograph to be quite comical, as I was browsing through Tumblr whilst procrastinating from writing the first of my three 20 page essays due this term.

The thing is, sometimes I really wish I was not a procrastinator when it came to school work; maybe I would get more done. But I feel as though getting what others call "down to business," would actually in fact hinder my creative talents. I am passionate about my program and the work that it requires me to do, and therefore, need my creative juices to be flowing in order to write my papers. the fact that they are research papers might also have something to do with that; maybe all the facts and figures and statistics just drain me and so every hour or so I need a little recharge from my friends at (we heart it). (This is not taking into consideration the fact that the Study Skills workshop tells me that every student should take a creak from studying every 50 minutes in order to stay focused and take in information well.) Whatever the reason, it is time for me to stop procrastinating, and to write my paper. But this is my Ode to Procrastination, because though we often think it as useless and wasteful, I have come to appreciate those moments (especially during exam time) when I can come up for air and breathe for a while. Here's to you procrastination, cheers.

photo via (we heart it)

peace on earth

I was outside today, smelling the crisp evergreen trees whilst walking home from my Spanish lab. I was listening to the song, "Can't Go Back Now" by the Weepies (which I highly recommend you listen to while reading this post), and the smell of the evergreens got me thinking about the Christmas. Sometimes I wish that the Christmas feeling could stay inside of me all year round. You know, that feeling you get that spreads warmth throughout your entire body; it's the feeling that things are all right in the world; the feeling that makes you want to smile at strangers and hold doors open for them and just be a heck of a nice person to everyone.

But I guess I know that that feeling won't last forever, and it doesn't. Sometimes I wish that the world would stop being so foolish and that everyone would just get along. I wish that we would stop hurting and neglecting one another. I wish that our own needs and desires wouldn't get in the way of other people achieving theirs too. But whenever I think that way, I also admit to myself that if the world was like this, then there would be no point in me being here. My role as a peace maker would be shot because the world wouldn't need peace, instead it would already be well acquainted with it. Besides, I cannot wish of the world something that I often find difficult to do myself.

And so, just as soon as this Christmas feeling hit me, so did this reality. But with this reality did not come despair, as the state of the world isn't something to be pessimistic about. Instead, it is merely the foundation for courage. The world may seem asunder, but if we stretch ourselves, we can see the opportunities for wholeness.

Let me tell you now, peace is not the natural state of things, at least not since human beings and sin entered the picture .Maybe this is why peace is s frightening to us; because it is an unknown concept that we know will require much of us; possibly one that will bleed us dry. Peace requires us to be vulnerable, not something that many of us aim to become. To many, violence seems like the stronger answer. But really, it isn't. To listen to your instincts and defend yourselves, or to take advantage of others in such an impersonal way, that is not strength. Guns and bullets and tanks aren't strength, they are a weak mans mask, covering up with metal what he lacks in spirituality and character. Peace requires so much more of a person. It cannot be bought and sold; it is not present in the population of an army or the force of your fist. Instead it is present in the strength and depth of your heart; in the resilience of your character.

Peace requires humility, forgiveness, vulnerability, accountability and a commitment to working towards something bigger than just the situation we find ourselves in. Violence and war often require none of these things. It takes a strong person to lay down their arms and instead to humbly offer an alternative other than death to their enemy.

I wish more people would realize this: that making peace is harder than holding a grudge, shaking hands in harder than bombing, embracing is harder than exchanging the force of a fist. But if you want to be strong, these things are necessary; they are so much more sustainable and usually end up with everyone being better off. Isn't anything better than the void of nothingness that violence brings? I have to believe that it is. Otherwise, I know that I too would fall into the vicious cycle of violence that so many find themselves in.

If you're reading this, bring a little Christmas spirit to the world this year. Not in the form of decorations or sugar cookies or vanilla-sugar scented candles; not in the form of gift giving or sweetly sung carols. Instead, take a step back from the violence. Don't argue just for the sake of arguing, let go of that grudge, avoid snapping at that terrible driver on University Ave. These things are futile and get us nowhere. Instead do your roommates dishes, forgive the person that hurt you, breathe in and out slow; bring a little peace this Christmas.

photo via (we heart it)

redemption

I have fought with myself for a long time. Battling the tensions between who I am and who I want to be. Trapped inside the mess of knowing who I have been, and the things I have done, and the fear of being stuck inside the cage my mistakes had built me.

But if there is one thing that God is capable of, it is creating. He is the Master Creator, and if He can create this Earth and raise Jesus from the dead, then He is totally capable of giving me a new life.

But when God gives you a new life, it isn't like the life that you wished you'd had. You know, the life you dream of when you dream of running away from everything and everyone you've ever known; when you think that you can start over and no one in this new place will know who you used to be.

No, God doesn't take those people away; the people that have judged you. And He doesn't make you forget the person that you've been. But he does give you redemption; He gives you the power to change and to show all those naysayers how you've changed. He enables you to remember who you have been, but to not feel burdened by that weight anymore. Instead, he lifts you up, above who you used to be, and let's you remember the past so that you can move successfully into the future.

I remember the past. I remember times when I could spend an entire day locked in my room watching sad movies, eating ice cream and feeling sorry for myself. But now, I get up every morning. I put myself out there over and over and over again, even though sometimes, I don't feel like facing the world.

I do this because God is the Redeemer, and He has redeemed me from my past; He has invigorated me with His strength and His purpose. This isn't just about me anymore. This is about something so much bigger than me; so much bigger than I can imagine.

Today, I was feeling weak, and I asked God why he hadn't given me any of His strength; why He hadn't helped me to get anywhere nearer to my goal. And then, there it was, His strength inside of me, just like that. I don't think God grants us answers when we challenge Him very often. Mostly I think this is because He wants us to trust Him. But today, I think He knew that the best way to get me to trust Him was by proving me wrong.

It's crazy, really - the ways that God has answered my prayers lately. I think it has something to do with me trusting Him, and being willing to be vulnerable; being willing to give Him control. When you let Him do His thing, He does it, and I can guarantee that you will be just as amazed and thankful as I am. I'm still not very good at it, but I am learning, and I encourage you to do the same. Handing over the controls is scary, but it is also liberating, and it made me feel more secure and more confident in God than I have ever been.

I hope that you will get to see the same redemptive power displayed in your own life. But more than that, I hope that you won't get to the point of blaming God, but instead seeking His strength first, even when things get hard and you feel alone. You have the chance for redemption, but first you're going to have to surrender - that's the hard part.

photo via (we heart it)