here is something only two people know about me: i like to write songs...
most of them are pretty lame. im not so great with words, i tend to repeat myself a lot (in case you havn't noticed) and im really not all that musically talented. so whether it's on the piano or on the guitar, the songs wind up being... well... boring.
but every so often i'll come up with a really good couple of phrases and be proud of myself. like last night. randomly i started strumming on my guitar, trying out some new techniques my guitar teacher had taught me, and a sweet chord progression came out. not sweet in the sense that i usually use that word as in "sweet im excited!" but sweet as in, my ears liked what they were hearing. and then, words followed. and i was proud of myself. the song will probably never be heard by anyone else, and definately will never find it's way onto the radiowaves. but it's a tune from the heart and for me, that's all that matters.
then today i was rummaging through the binder where i keep all my writing, and i found a song that i probably wrote over a year ago (i really should put dates on things, but then again the content usually reminds me of when it was written). and this song really related to me right now (funny how our past catches up with us).
now im not going to lie, i probably wrote this song about a boy. though around this time last year there were no significant male figures in my life so i wonder if i really did...
but right now it just made me think about things... like prayer, and how our first response is to demand answers from God and wonder what we are doing wrong when he doesn't answer our prayers in the way or in the time that we want him to. and then we sort of give up on God and give in to our selfishness by trying to control the sitiauation or by continuing to worry about it. we give it all away because we feel like there is nothing else we can do. But that's not the way it should be. prayer isn't about getting answers, it's about talking to God and it's about surrender. I don't think you shouldn't expect any answer, but i do think that you shouldn't expect a specific answer. prayer is more about God and giving him the freedom to do what he wants, rather than getting what you want.
anyways... unless your sly and know how i secretly post my own lyrics without letting people actually know they're mine, this is probably all you'll ever get out of me.
Silent (mistake)
the silence is coming in clear/got the message, don't hesitate to call/the shots you took one by one/chances; opportunities you should have took while they were young/the spark gets so much smaller/the fire that never starts, not at all/failings i swore would not become/lost, not found; torn away and their gone//what mistakes did i make/what mistakes did i make/trust thrown away/what mistakes did i make//this room shall stand alone here/as the stars they all start to fall/the chords right out, one by one/confusion, distraction; wars lost and battles won//what mistakes did i make/what mistakes did i make/gave it all away/that mistake i did make//
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5.28.2007
5.05.2007
summer inside your heart
Things I love most about summer...
1) Walking along the beach as the sun goes down. Seeing the sky change colours. Feeling at peace. You just get the feeling as if everything is right with the world.
2) Lying on the dock after a swim across the lake, feeling the sun warm your skin. Listening to the sound of the water as it laps against the dock while reading your Bible and watching the sun rise.
3) Roasting marshmellows and making smores while having some quality campfire talk with close friends.
4) Walking through the woods alone in the morning. Hearing the birds, talking to God.
5) Water. Love it. The cold, wet feeling on your skin is refreshing after sitting in the sun all day.
6) Sunsets.
7) Stars at night over the lake. If you're lucky you get to see the red moon rising. I saw one last year while camping, it was... uniquely beautiful.
As much as I love winter, the snow, the pure beauty of it (until it's been ruined by snow plows, cars, and multiple footprints that is), I also love summer. Spring is my favourite season of all time. New life, sunshine, flowers. In spring you get the feeling of coming out of a dark place. The dark, sometimes dreary winter is over and now summer can begin. But summer, summer has this atmosphere to it that you can't find anywhere else. First off it's warm, but at night it cools down enough to need to snuggle up in that comfy sweater and sit by the fire with some good hot chocolate. In summer you can spend the whole day outside, you can swim (i absolutely love water), water-ski, tube, zip-line (ahh camps days...). There's just this feeling you get when summer first starts, the first warm day of the year. It's like nothing else. It's almost as good as the type of feeling you get when you come out of a hard time in life and enter into the period of absolute peace. Your heart just heaves a sigh and then... peace. There's warmth, light, even when the darkness comes it's still amazing. That is the kind of peace that resting in God brings. The same kind of peace you get when you finish school and get to look forward to a stress-free summer of good weather. Sure the storms come every so often, but once you have that first summer experience, the memory of it never goes away. It gives you the ability to enjoy the winter, but at the same time look forward to that peaceful summer feeling again. Though other things in life may still be crazy, there's summer inside your heart.
1) Walking along the beach as the sun goes down. Seeing the sky change colours. Feeling at peace. You just get the feeling as if everything is right with the world.
2) Lying on the dock after a swim across the lake, feeling the sun warm your skin. Listening to the sound of the water as it laps against the dock while reading your Bible and watching the sun rise.
3) Roasting marshmellows and making smores while having some quality campfire talk with close friends.
4) Walking through the woods alone in the morning. Hearing the birds, talking to God.
5) Water. Love it. The cold, wet feeling on your skin is refreshing after sitting in the sun all day.
6) Sunsets.
7) Stars at night over the lake. If you're lucky you get to see the red moon rising. I saw one last year while camping, it was... uniquely beautiful.
As much as I love winter, the snow, the pure beauty of it (until it's been ruined by snow plows, cars, and multiple footprints that is), I also love summer. Spring is my favourite season of all time. New life, sunshine, flowers. In spring you get the feeling of coming out of a dark place. The dark, sometimes dreary winter is over and now summer can begin. But summer, summer has this atmosphere to it that you can't find anywhere else. First off it's warm, but at night it cools down enough to need to snuggle up in that comfy sweater and sit by the fire with some good hot chocolate. In summer you can spend the whole day outside, you can swim (i absolutely love water), water-ski, tube, zip-line (ahh camps days...). There's just this feeling you get when summer first starts, the first warm day of the year. It's like nothing else. It's almost as good as the type of feeling you get when you come out of a hard time in life and enter into the period of absolute peace. Your heart just heaves a sigh and then... peace. There's warmth, light, even when the darkness comes it's still amazing. That is the kind of peace that resting in God brings. The same kind of peace you get when you finish school and get to look forward to a stress-free summer of good weather. Sure the storms come every so often, but once you have that first summer experience, the memory of it never goes away. It gives you the ability to enjoy the winter, but at the same time look forward to that peaceful summer feeling again. Though other things in life may still be crazy, there's summer inside your heart.
5.01.2007
lost art...
This past month has been stressful for me. Life just seems to want to get under my skin and make me as uncomfortable and touchy as possible. Exhibit A: I still do not have a full-time job, though I am working 30+ hours at my part-time job this week...
Yesterday, however, was a much needed break from life. Even if it was only for a couple of hours. I woke up early in the moring and drove up to York University with a good friend of mine, just listening to music and talking on the way. When we got there we walked around and did stuff for about 3 hours. It was really relaxing, even if my already wounded feet were screaming at me.
In York's academic buildings there are paintings displayed in almost every hall. I don't know about you, but I love art. I could spend hours in an art gallery just talking about the paintings. We went to this mock photography exhibit that was set up to look just like the original photographers, it was interesting to see how one person viewed the world from behind his camera lense.
Of course we had places to go, things to do, but there wasn't any rush.
I wish life were like that. I wish we never felt compelled to make things happen. To do it now or do it never. Some things should be a priority, like telling people you love them, reconcilliation, forgiveness, or spreading the gospel. But other things, other things are meant to be drawn out, to be waited on. Some things in life just aren't supposed to happen right here, right now.
And maybe this sounds crazy, but I think that the most beautiful part of the path of life is the waiting part. Waiting creates anticipation. When you wait you get to experience something that wouldn't otherwise be there.
Waiting makes the thing you are waiting for more exciting. It makes it more worthwhile because you had to wait. It's like sometimes the anticipation of something is more exciting than the thing itself.
I'm reminded of that scene in Denis the Menace where Mr.Willson is waiting for the rare flower to bloom. The flower is beautiful, but the fact that he had to wait however many years to witness it's 5 minute bloom makes seeing it so much more gratifying.
In short, don't underestimate the power of time. Right now I have to wait to get a job, but when I do get one, the one I'm intended to get, it will be so much more rewarding than if I got one right off the bat. I will have worked hard and searched long for that job.
In today's society waiting is a lost art. We get everything we want when we want it. Hit a button and the TV turns on, red eye flights, fast-food, instant millions, instant coffee. But the things that will really matter to us in the end, the things that will really satisfy us, are the things we wait for. There is no greater reward than being given something that you have long waited for.
"For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay." --Habakkuk 2:3
"But they that wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint." --Isaiah 40:31
"Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him." --Psalm 37:7
"The Lord favors those who fear Him, Those who wait for His lovingkindness." --Psaml 147:11
Yesterday, however, was a much needed break from life. Even if it was only for a couple of hours. I woke up early in the moring and drove up to York University with a good friend of mine, just listening to music and talking on the way. When we got there we walked around and did stuff for about 3 hours. It was really relaxing, even if my already wounded feet were screaming at me.
In York's academic buildings there are paintings displayed in almost every hall. I don't know about you, but I love art. I could spend hours in an art gallery just talking about the paintings. We went to this mock photography exhibit that was set up to look just like the original photographers, it was interesting to see how one person viewed the world from behind his camera lense.
Of course we had places to go, things to do, but there wasn't any rush.
I wish life were like that. I wish we never felt compelled to make things happen. To do it now or do it never. Some things should be a priority, like telling people you love them, reconcilliation, forgiveness, or spreading the gospel. But other things, other things are meant to be drawn out, to be waited on. Some things in life just aren't supposed to happen right here, right now.
And maybe this sounds crazy, but I think that the most beautiful part of the path of life is the waiting part. Waiting creates anticipation. When you wait you get to experience something that wouldn't otherwise be there.
Waiting makes the thing you are waiting for more exciting. It makes it more worthwhile because you had to wait. It's like sometimes the anticipation of something is more exciting than the thing itself.
I'm reminded of that scene in Denis the Menace where Mr.Willson is waiting for the rare flower to bloom. The flower is beautiful, but the fact that he had to wait however many years to witness it's 5 minute bloom makes seeing it so much more gratifying.
In short, don't underestimate the power of time. Right now I have to wait to get a job, but when I do get one, the one I'm intended to get, it will be so much more rewarding than if I got one right off the bat. I will have worked hard and searched long for that job.
In today's society waiting is a lost art. We get everything we want when we want it. Hit a button and the TV turns on, red eye flights, fast-food, instant millions, instant coffee. But the things that will really matter to us in the end, the things that will really satisfy us, are the things we wait for. There is no greater reward than being given something that you have long waited for.
"For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay." --Habakkuk 2:3
"But they that wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint." --Isaiah 40:31
"Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him." --Psalm 37:7
"The Lord favors those who fear Him, Those who wait for His lovingkindness." --Psaml 147:11
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