Forget the Varnish

here is something only two people know about me: i like to write songs...
most of them are pretty lame. im not so great with words, i tend to repeat myself a lot (in case you havn't noticed) and im really not all that musically talented. so whether it's on the piano or on the guitar, the songs wind up being... well... boring.
but every so often i'll come up with a really good couple of phrases and be proud of myself. like last night. randomly i started strumming on my guitar, trying out some new techniques my guitar teacher had taught me, and a sweet chord progression came out. not sweet in the sense that i usually use that word as in "sweet im excited!" but sweet as in, my ears liked what they were hearing. and then, words followed. and i was proud of myself. the song will probably never be heard by anyone else, and definately will never find it's way onto the radiowaves. but it's a tune from the heart and for me, that's all that matters.
then today i was rummaging through the binder where i keep all my writing, and i found a song that i probably wrote over a year ago (i really should put dates on things, but then again the content usually reminds me of when it was written). and this song really related to me right now (funny how our past catches up with us).
now im not going to lie, i probably wrote this song about a boy. though around this time last year there were no significant male figures in my life so i wonder if i really did...
but right now it just made me think about things... like prayer, and how our first response is to demand answers from God and wonder what we are doing wrong when he doesn't answer our prayers in the way or in the time that we want him to. and then we sort of give up on God and give in to our selfishness by trying to control the sitiauation or by continuing to worry about it. we give it all away because we feel like there is nothing else we can do. But that's not the way it should be. prayer isn't about getting answers, it's about talking to God and it's about surrender. I don't think you shouldn't expect any answer, but i do think that you shouldn't expect a specific answer. prayer is more about God and giving him the freedom to do what he wants, rather than getting what you want.
anyways... unless your sly and know how i secretly post my own lyrics without letting people actually know they're mine, this is probably all you'll ever get out of me.

Silent (mistake)

the silence is coming in clear/got the message, don't hesitate to call/the shots you took one by one/chances; opportunities you should have took while they were young/the spark gets so much smaller/the fire that never starts, not at all/failings i swore would not become/lost, not found; torn away and their gone//what mistakes did i make/what mistakes did i make/trust thrown away/what mistakes did i make//this room shall stand alone here/as the stars they all start to fall/the chords right out, one by one/confusion, distraction; wars lost and battles won//what mistakes did i make/what mistakes did i make/gave it all away/that mistake i did make//