"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
>>Marianne Williamson
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12.26.2006
fadeaways...
It is becoming evermore clear to me that tradgedy creates unity.
Two years ago today and earthquake rocked the planet, causing a devestating tsunami to hit Southern Asia. But did the world fall apart and get washed away in their greif'? Nope. Instead we drew together, raising money, praying, doing relief work. And when multiple hurricanes hit the Southern USA, did we turn our backs? did we cringe and get angry and run around like chickens wondering what we're supposed to do? Again, no. we helped oneanother.
Even though these tradgedies happened miles and miles away, they still affected us. And even though the people that were affected were probably total strangers, we still helped them? Why? Because in the midst of tradgedy love, compassion, kindness, and generousity are brought out. It might be a far stretch, but sometimes, the hard times bring out the best in us.
That makes me smile. Because when it seems that everything has failed, and the world has literally fallen apart, we don't. That just goes to show that humans are made to be children of God. Animals don't have the kind of compassion for oneanother. An animal's basic instinct is survival. Animals think me first, me last. But because humans are created in God's image, we have a different perspective. Yea, alot of the time we get absorbed in our own lives, and our own problems. But i find that when we see a friend (or even a stranger) in need, we tend to forget about our needs and try to help them out.
That gives me hope-a hope it seems I've been lacking lately. The past few days i had lost all hope in the world, i had been let down one too many times and i didn't see the point. But who lives like that? honestly? it's CRAZY! If God is your hope, than life shouldn't be dull or a let down like that at all. no matter how much others let you down, God is ALWAYS THERE. He is the ONLY one who will never fade away. Plus, don't let what a few people do determine your whole life outlook. If i met someone, i wouldn't want them to not even try to have a friendship with me just cuz they've been hurt before, because i am not those other people. You have to keep trusting, and believing. We have such a bad view of the world and we think that what a couple people do defines what everyone does. But life's not like that. We aren't all the same. and God made us, so that gives us a chance to become something better than what the world has reduced us to.
Don't give up hope (even if it's for only a spell, like mine was). I used to live like that, never taking chances, never trusting, just building up walls and trying to protect myself. But once you take down the walls, and let God change your view of the world, life becomes this amazing adventure. I know it's not easy, I still struggle with it. It's hard for me to even talk to my own friends sometimes because the world has given me this artificial feeling of mistrust and fear of rejection. But slowly but surely, things change. Pray like mad that God will change you view. Yea, sometimes the world isn't so great. But God always is! and (as has been mentioned in other blogs) when people show just a little bit of compassion and love for oneanother, the earth experiencesa little bit of Heaven on Earth. If you're too afraid to live for the fadeaways then live for God- the only one who will never fade, but shines brighter everyday. When you decided to live for God, you take chances because you love God, and because you love God, you love his people and are willing to risk everything and anything to help them find the hope that you've found. When you see the tradegy, it should make you want to create unity because no one can get through life alone. "We all need somebody to lean on."
God is inside you and He shines. Jesus is the light, you are the mirror, so show that light to the world.
"Our perspective on life is what creates our reality: change your perspective, change your reality." --from a book... that Sven read... don't know what it's called, but thanks Sven!
Two years ago today and earthquake rocked the planet, causing a devestating tsunami to hit Southern Asia. But did the world fall apart and get washed away in their greif'? Nope. Instead we drew together, raising money, praying, doing relief work. And when multiple hurricanes hit the Southern USA, did we turn our backs? did we cringe and get angry and run around like chickens wondering what we're supposed to do? Again, no. we helped oneanother.
Even though these tradgedies happened miles and miles away, they still affected us. And even though the people that were affected were probably total strangers, we still helped them? Why? Because in the midst of tradgedy love, compassion, kindness, and generousity are brought out. It might be a far stretch, but sometimes, the hard times bring out the best in us.
That makes me smile. Because when it seems that everything has failed, and the world has literally fallen apart, we don't. That just goes to show that humans are made to be children of God. Animals don't have the kind of compassion for oneanother. An animal's basic instinct is survival. Animals think me first, me last. But because humans are created in God's image, we have a different perspective. Yea, alot of the time we get absorbed in our own lives, and our own problems. But i find that when we see a friend (or even a stranger) in need, we tend to forget about our needs and try to help them out.
That gives me hope-a hope it seems I've been lacking lately. The past few days i had lost all hope in the world, i had been let down one too many times and i didn't see the point. But who lives like that? honestly? it's CRAZY! If God is your hope, than life shouldn't be dull or a let down like that at all. no matter how much others let you down, God is ALWAYS THERE. He is the ONLY one who will never fade away. Plus, don't let what a few people do determine your whole life outlook. If i met someone, i wouldn't want them to not even try to have a friendship with me just cuz they've been hurt before, because i am not those other people. You have to keep trusting, and believing. We have such a bad view of the world and we think that what a couple people do defines what everyone does. But life's not like that. We aren't all the same. and God made us, so that gives us a chance to become something better than what the world has reduced us to.
Don't give up hope (even if it's for only a spell, like mine was). I used to live like that, never taking chances, never trusting, just building up walls and trying to protect myself. But once you take down the walls, and let God change your view of the world, life becomes this amazing adventure. I know it's not easy, I still struggle with it. It's hard for me to even talk to my own friends sometimes because the world has given me this artificial feeling of mistrust and fear of rejection. But slowly but surely, things change. Pray like mad that God will change you view. Yea, sometimes the world isn't so great. But God always is! and (as has been mentioned in other blogs) when people show just a little bit of compassion and love for oneanother, the earth experiencesa little bit of Heaven on Earth. If you're too afraid to live for the fadeaways then live for God- the only one who will never fade, but shines brighter everyday. When you decided to live for God, you take chances because you love God, and because you love God, you love his people and are willing to risk everything and anything to help them find the hope that you've found. When you see the tradegy, it should make you want to create unity because no one can get through life alone. "We all need somebody to lean on."
God is inside you and He shines. Jesus is the light, you are the mirror, so show that light to the world.
"Our perspective on life is what creates our reality: change your perspective, change your reality." --from a book... that Sven read... don't know what it's called, but thanks Sven!
12.23.2006
Christmas List
my family and i went to see The Nativity last night.. and it was pretty good. it was actually really accurate and incorporated a lot of actual Scripture intpo the script; which i thought was really cool.
it got me in the mood for Christmas, because lately (as my blogs show.. ugh) i havn't really been in the Christmas spirit. i just hate tha Christmas has gotten so commercialized. i mean yea, Christmas is about giving. Christmas is Christ's birthday and on Christmas God gave the Earth the best gift, the gift of a sAviour, of their Messiah, the One who would save them from their sins. but thoguht Christmas IS about giving, i think we've put a little too much emphasis on the giving and getting parts.
People run around store's pushing and shoving, driving like maniac's on the street honking their horns. "I gotta get done! Christmas is 2 days away!" That is what Christmas has been made into. But goign to see the Nativity last night with the fam was amazing. Iit gave me peace and reminded me of what Christmas is really about, and gave me the examples of Mary and Joeseph- two young adults who patiently, yet earnestly sought the will of God.
That is what i want this Christmas. presnet, meh. candy, i've had enough this past week to hold me over till New Years (haha). but family, friends, conversation, laughter, love. That's what i want for Christmas. But more than that i want to sit back and remember what God did, what he gave and how giving that gift was the most loving, unselfish risk ever. yea i gave my family a list of things i wouldn't mind unwraping Christmas morning, but the only thing i asked God for is for me to do his will, like Mary and Joeseph did. No matter how people may look at me, or laugh, or disown. I just want to give a gift to my Saviour.
Two-thousand and Six years ago, God sent his Son Jesus to save my life. The least i can do now is live it for Him.
p.s! where is the snow!? it better be here on New Years, or i will be mucho upseto!
it got me in the mood for Christmas, because lately (as my blogs show.. ugh) i havn't really been in the Christmas spirit. i just hate tha Christmas has gotten so commercialized. i mean yea, Christmas is about giving. Christmas is Christ's birthday and on Christmas God gave the Earth the best gift, the gift of a sAviour, of their Messiah, the One who would save them from their sins. but thoguht Christmas IS about giving, i think we've put a little too much emphasis on the giving and getting parts.
People run around store's pushing and shoving, driving like maniac's on the street honking their horns. "I gotta get done! Christmas is 2 days away!" That is what Christmas has been made into. But goign to see the Nativity last night with the fam was amazing. Iit gave me peace and reminded me of what Christmas is really about, and gave me the examples of Mary and Joeseph- two young adults who patiently, yet earnestly sought the will of God.
That is what i want this Christmas. presnet, meh. candy, i've had enough this past week to hold me over till New Years (haha). but family, friends, conversation, laughter, love. That's what i want for Christmas. But more than that i want to sit back and remember what God did, what he gave and how giving that gift was the most loving, unselfish risk ever. yea i gave my family a list of things i wouldn't mind unwraping Christmas morning, but the only thing i asked God for is for me to do his will, like Mary and Joeseph did. No matter how people may look at me, or laugh, or disown. I just want to give a gift to my Saviour.
Two-thousand and Six years ago, God sent his Son Jesus to save my life. The least i can do now is live it for Him.
p.s! where is the snow!? it better be here on New Years, or i will be mucho upseto!
12.17.2006
Christmas Story
This Season, is all about Jesus. And this post, is all about Jesus, whom i love with all my heart. Happy Early Birthday Jesus. I have peace in my heart because of You, and only You.
This is a little modern/story-like version of the Christmas story, and i thought it was really cool. I still can't believe the story of Christmas and how amazing it is, how amazing God is to send his only Son to the world, to be born in a stable surrounded by animals, and yet to come and be the Saviour of the World, and of my heart. This is what Christmas is really about. Remembering God and his gift, the best Christmas gift that could ever be given and that money can never buy.
They left their home, the new cradle still swinging from the rafters. Night after night the aroma of fresh-cut wood had filled the room as Joseph had patiently fashioned the tiny cradle, using the same chisel and saw he usually put down at dusk.
Now Joseph wiped the tears from Mary's cheeks and shut the door behind them. "It'll be okay," he told her, as he cinched up their belongings on the donkey.
"Joseph, can't we wait a few days? The baby could come any time." She didn't want to leave home. Not now.
"We've waited for the baby as long as we dare." He was ready to get on the road. "We have to leave today or I'll be arrested for not appearing in Bethlehem for the census."
"At least bring the cradle, Joseph," she pleaded. "I want the baby to have something nice."
"No, it'll have to stay behind. The baby will be rocking in it soon enough."
Joseph tugged hard at the donkey's halter. No luck. "Come on, animal," he shouted, whacking it on the rear end to get it moving. Grudgingly the donkey responded. With one hand Joseph led the donkey, with the other he steadied Mary on the steep incline, slowly enough to accommodate her ungainly progress down the winding road which led from Nazareth's height. In the house above, the cradle hung still.
Five days and ninety bone-weary miles later, Joseph searched the small stable where they were staying on the outskirts of crowded Bethlehem. Mary's time would be soon now. He was careful to keep his lamp from igniting the old straw. He finally settled on an ancient stone manger for the baby's bed, cut from the wall of the limestone cave which housed the animals. He reached in to scoop the last gritty bits of straw from the manger's dank bottom. "That'll have to do," he muttered. He filled the trough with an armful of fresh fodder, which he covered with a folded blanket to keep the animals away.
It was well past midnight by the time Mary finished washing and wrapping her new baby. Now she lifted him gently into his new bed. Joseph put his arm around her shoulders as they gazed at the sleeping infant.
Mary touched the tiny fingers. "That cradle you spent so much time on would be real nice right now, Joseph." She looked up at the cave's low ceiling. "You could hang it somewhere. No baby I know has a cradle like that. It's fit for a king."
Joseph grinned. "Not every boy has a carpenter for a dad," he said. But he wondered. Why couldn't little Jesus be home in that cradle? Why does this special child the angel told Mary and him about have to be born in this smelly stable? A hill-country carpenter's home is bad enough. Why here? Why Bethlehem?
The answer wasn't long in coming. An older boy poked his head in the door, startling the couple from their quiet moment. "Is there a baby in here?" he mumbled apologetically. Then he saw the tiny child. Mary picked her baby up to shield the infant from his eyes. The face disappeared.
Mary's eyes mirrored Joseph's concern. He strode to the cave's opening. He could hear a distant call, "Over here, Jake found him!" In the darkness, Joseph could make out a handful of forms coming toward him. He gripped his stout wooden staff and stood resolutely at the door.
As they approached the stable he could see they were shepherds. Joseph's grip on the staff tightened. The oldest one spoke hesitantly. "Can we come in? We have ... ah ... come to see the Christ-child."
Joseph glanced at Mary. He could feel a tingle move down his spine. This was more than an accident. The whole fantastic course of events was far more than an accident. He nodded and stepped back into the stable. "Yes, come in. You are welcome."
The shepherds shuffled into the cramped cave. The youngest pushed in alongside the donkey to get a better view. They knelt. "God be praised!" The old shepherd spoke with deepest reverence.
"It's just like the angel told us," another whispered in awe. "'Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people,' the angel said."
"Imagine! An angel . . . talking to us!" the old man interjected with rising excitement. "None of the uppity-ups in this town would lower themselves to talk to us shepherds," he added. "But an angel did . . . And the child is right here in a stable so we can come and see him." Rivulets of tears were inching down the shepherd's weathered face.
Joseph stared at the old man. "How did you find us?" he finally asked.
The boy who had first peeked in answered. "The angel said, 'Unto you is born....'"
"Yes, to us!" The beaming old man couldn't contain himself.
The boy spoke deliberately, as if to remember the exact words: "Unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior ..."
"That's here--Bethlehem--David's birthplace," the littlest boy interrupted. He thrust out his chest proudly. "King David was a shepherd, too, you know."
The older boy continued. " . . . a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord."
"The Christ, the Messiah . . . He's the one!" The old man pointed to the baby.
"The angel was very specific," the young man went on. "'And this shall be a sign unto you. You shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.'" He grinned. "How could we miss? We just ran into town and checked every stable until we found you . . . found him." The boy paused. "How many newborns in Bethlehem do you know with a cattle manger for a cradle?"
Joseph chuckled. So that was it. The heavenly Father Himself had provided a bed for His child. A special cradle. A sign to these crude shepherds that God cared for them too.
Joseph squeezed Mary's hand very tightly and closed his eyes. Thank-you, Father. He whispered. Thank-you.
This is a little modern/story-like version of the Christmas story, and i thought it was really cool. I still can't believe the story of Christmas and how amazing it is, how amazing God is to send his only Son to the world, to be born in a stable surrounded by animals, and yet to come and be the Saviour of the World, and of my heart. This is what Christmas is really about. Remembering God and his gift, the best Christmas gift that could ever be given and that money can never buy.
They left their home, the new cradle still swinging from the rafters. Night after night the aroma of fresh-cut wood had filled the room as Joseph had patiently fashioned the tiny cradle, using the same chisel and saw he usually put down at dusk.
Now Joseph wiped the tears from Mary's cheeks and shut the door behind them. "It'll be okay," he told her, as he cinched up their belongings on the donkey.
"Joseph, can't we wait a few days? The baby could come any time." She didn't want to leave home. Not now.
"We've waited for the baby as long as we dare." He was ready to get on the road. "We have to leave today or I'll be arrested for not appearing in Bethlehem for the census."
"At least bring the cradle, Joseph," she pleaded. "I want the baby to have something nice."
"No, it'll have to stay behind. The baby will be rocking in it soon enough."
Joseph tugged hard at the donkey's halter. No luck. "Come on, animal," he shouted, whacking it on the rear end to get it moving. Grudgingly the donkey responded. With one hand Joseph led the donkey, with the other he steadied Mary on the steep incline, slowly enough to accommodate her ungainly progress down the winding road which led from Nazareth's height. In the house above, the cradle hung still.
Five days and ninety bone-weary miles later, Joseph searched the small stable where they were staying on the outskirts of crowded Bethlehem. Mary's time would be soon now. He was careful to keep his lamp from igniting the old straw. He finally settled on an ancient stone manger for the baby's bed, cut from the wall of the limestone cave which housed the animals. He reached in to scoop the last gritty bits of straw from the manger's dank bottom. "That'll have to do," he muttered. He filled the trough with an armful of fresh fodder, which he covered with a folded blanket to keep the animals away.
It was well past midnight by the time Mary finished washing and wrapping her new baby. Now she lifted him gently into his new bed. Joseph put his arm around her shoulders as they gazed at the sleeping infant.
Mary touched the tiny fingers. "That cradle you spent so much time on would be real nice right now, Joseph." She looked up at the cave's low ceiling. "You could hang it somewhere. No baby I know has a cradle like that. It's fit for a king."
Joseph grinned. "Not every boy has a carpenter for a dad," he said. But he wondered. Why couldn't little Jesus be home in that cradle? Why does this special child the angel told Mary and him about have to be born in this smelly stable? A hill-country carpenter's home is bad enough. Why here? Why Bethlehem?
The answer wasn't long in coming. An older boy poked his head in the door, startling the couple from their quiet moment. "Is there a baby in here?" he mumbled apologetically. Then he saw the tiny child. Mary picked her baby up to shield the infant from his eyes. The face disappeared.
Mary's eyes mirrored Joseph's concern. He strode to the cave's opening. He could hear a distant call, "Over here, Jake found him!" In the darkness, Joseph could make out a handful of forms coming toward him. He gripped his stout wooden staff and stood resolutely at the door.
As they approached the stable he could see they were shepherds. Joseph's grip on the staff tightened. The oldest one spoke hesitantly. "Can we come in? We have ... ah ... come to see the Christ-child."
Joseph glanced at Mary. He could feel a tingle move down his spine. This was more than an accident. The whole fantastic course of events was far more than an accident. He nodded and stepped back into the stable. "Yes, come in. You are welcome."
The shepherds shuffled into the cramped cave. The youngest pushed in alongside the donkey to get a better view. They knelt. "God be praised!" The old shepherd spoke with deepest reverence.
"It's just like the angel told us," another whispered in awe. "'Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people,' the angel said."
"Imagine! An angel . . . talking to us!" the old man interjected with rising excitement. "None of the uppity-ups in this town would lower themselves to talk to us shepherds," he added. "But an angel did . . . And the child is right here in a stable so we can come and see him." Rivulets of tears were inching down the shepherd's weathered face.
Joseph stared at the old man. "How did you find us?" he finally asked.
The boy who had first peeked in answered. "The angel said, 'Unto you is born....'"
"Yes, to us!" The beaming old man couldn't contain himself.
The boy spoke deliberately, as if to remember the exact words: "Unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior ..."
"That's here--Bethlehem--David's birthplace," the littlest boy interrupted. He thrust out his chest proudly. "King David was a shepherd, too, you know."
The older boy continued. " . . . a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord."
"The Christ, the Messiah . . . He's the one!" The old man pointed to the baby.
"The angel was very specific," the young man went on. "'And this shall be a sign unto you. You shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.'" He grinned. "How could we miss? We just ran into town and checked every stable until we found you . . . found him." The boy paused. "How many newborns in Bethlehem do you know with a cattle manger for a cradle?"
Joseph chuckled. So that was it. The heavenly Father Himself had provided a bed for His child. A special cradle. A sign to these crude shepherds that God cared for them too.
Joseph squeezed Mary's hand very tightly and closed his eyes. Thank-you, Father. He whispered. Thank-you.
last
i am utterly exhausted... it feels like i have not slept in weeks, even though i had a 40 minute power nap this afternoon. last month was amazing. it was like something had suddenly clicked inside of me and life started making sense. i knew what i had to do and i did it. but lately it feels like that purpose and that peace has been fading. and it's Christmas. and im sitting here like, God why can't i find you right now? cuz it feels like he's so far away. it feels like everyone's far away, i think i push people out and if i'm doing that to you right now, tell me, don't let me, i'll thank you later on.
i hate that these last couple post's have been downers- that's December for me this year. I started this month (of course coming out of my amazing November) thinking that this would be the best Christmas ever, but it's starting to look like if i don't change something, it might shape up to be the worst. the worst part is- i know it's me, i know that something is keeping me from God and from my friends, but i just can't figure out what it is or how to change it.
Last night we had the Impact Christmas Banquet, and it went SO well! way better than i expected. things went smoothly and i think everyone had a ton of fun, and i actually (other than the stress) had a TON of fun planning it out. And we also had some amazing people volunteering and totally serving God by serving us that night. God is so amazing and it's is SWEET how much he can do! the youth of Valley View have raised over $1,000 for Blood:Water Mission in the past 2 months!!
but after it was all over and i had carried all the stuff to my car, i didn't feel this weight lift from my shoulders or find myself thinking, "ahh it's done, no more worries, that was fantastic." instead i drove home and then sat in my driveway and cried. what the heck is wrong with me? then today, at my family Christmas, i got there and just felt like crying. maybe i'm just tired, or maybe there's something bigger going on. i don't know. maybe im not doing what im supposed to be doing and so i don't feel right. i don't normally post stuff like this on the internet, but i know that most of the people that read this blog [which you have stopped commenting on! :(] are mostly my close friends, and so the reason i'm telling you this is so that once again, i can ask you to pray for me. It just seems like lately i havn't had the time (or the motivation) to talk to people about how i'm really doing. people ask "how are you" and i say, "im okay" and they say "oh that's great!" thats great? sorry but i wish i was more than okay. i wish i was fantastic. but i don't just walk up to people and be like "yea im having a bad day and i want to talk about it". much of the time i want to talk, but find it akward to randomly bring it up unless someone actually asks, or if comes up somehow. it's stupid. GAH.
but even though i am having a crappy month, i know that God's there through it all and for the first time (well other than this summer) i'm not blaming him. i know i'm going to learn something from this and that my faith will be that much stronger because of the crappiness. but right now i don't know how to get out of this cycle. so please, pray. don't feel obligated, but if you feel God putting it on your heart... i can't even tell you how much that would mean to me.
i hate that these last couple post's have been downers- that's December for me this year. I started this month (of course coming out of my amazing November) thinking that this would be the best Christmas ever, but it's starting to look like if i don't change something, it might shape up to be the worst. the worst part is- i know it's me, i know that something is keeping me from God and from my friends, but i just can't figure out what it is or how to change it.
Last night we had the Impact Christmas Banquet, and it went SO well! way better than i expected. things went smoothly and i think everyone had a ton of fun, and i actually (other than the stress) had a TON of fun planning it out. And we also had some amazing people volunteering and totally serving God by serving us that night. God is so amazing and it's is SWEET how much he can do! the youth of Valley View have raised over $1,000 for Blood:Water Mission in the past 2 months!!
but after it was all over and i had carried all the stuff to my car, i didn't feel this weight lift from my shoulders or find myself thinking, "ahh it's done, no more worries, that was fantastic." instead i drove home and then sat in my driveway and cried. what the heck is wrong with me? then today, at my family Christmas, i got there and just felt like crying. maybe i'm just tired, or maybe there's something bigger going on. i don't know. maybe im not doing what im supposed to be doing and so i don't feel right. i don't normally post stuff like this on the internet, but i know that most of the people that read this blog [which you have stopped commenting on! :(] are mostly my close friends, and so the reason i'm telling you this is so that once again, i can ask you to pray for me. It just seems like lately i havn't had the time (or the motivation) to talk to people about how i'm really doing. people ask "how are you" and i say, "im okay" and they say "oh that's great!" thats great? sorry but i wish i was more than okay. i wish i was fantastic. but i don't just walk up to people and be like "yea im having a bad day and i want to talk about it". much of the time i want to talk, but find it akward to randomly bring it up unless someone actually asks, or if comes up somehow. it's stupid. GAH.
but even though i am having a crappy month, i know that God's there through it all and for the first time (well other than this summer) i'm not blaming him. i know i'm going to learn something from this and that my faith will be that much stronger because of the crappiness. but right now i don't know how to get out of this cycle. so please, pray. don't feel obligated, but if you feel God putting it on your heart... i can't even tell you how much that would mean to me.
12.14.2006
so i know. my blog is a little hard on the eyes. but i've been trying to pick a new template and make it so it's easier to read. but i just don't like them as much, or someone else has that template. and i am me. i like being original. i like being different. and most of all i like being colourful. and that's what this blog lets me do. it's vibrant. and loud. like me. you like it or you don't. it's really not about what it looks like, it's about what it says.
so guys, im sorry, i tried i really did. but the other designs just weren't me. so if it's hard to read, im sorry. but sometimes, so am i.
so guys, im sorry, i tried i really did. but the other designs just weren't me. so if it's hard to read, im sorry. but sometimes, so am i.
12.12.2006
Get Out of My Face!
at some points in life i say: i don't want this. and i take what i have been given, and try to give it back to God. God, this isn't what i want, get out of my face!
it's harsh, but it's so true. when things don't go our way (my way), we sit and complain,and tear up and ask why? but what i have to keep telling myself is that it's not my place to ask why. We are told that we can ask God for things specificaly. we can petition him, beg him, plead with him. but is it our place to ask why? to demand answers? God doesn't answer to us. we answer to him, and the funny thing is: technically, we have chosen to do this. i chose to become dead to sin and a slave to righteousness. so then how come every time God tries to teach me something or help me grow (and using situations that we will remeber (i.e have hurt us) is the most useful way) i wind up pushing him away and saying. "I don't want this gift, take it back. Get Out Of My Face" ?
being imperfect sucks. we see something we want and try to work to get it, only to learn that it's free. and then, we have it. just like that. and it's amazing. and we are so thankful and want to show our gratitude... until we find out that it will mean effort and trust and perseverance. then we start to ask why? why do i have to do that? i don't want to. take it back.
the stupidest part? in the future i'm thankful that life sucked for a bit. becasue i learned. without life being a bit crappy i wouldn't have had as much compassion, and the desire to help people and save them from things, things that made me decided that i wanted to be a psychologist.
"No Pain, No Gain." that's it. end of story. "Everything Happens For A Reason." it seems this is a theme for me lately and I don't mean to be a downer, especially because it's the Christmas Season and i already have three of the best gifts i could have hoped for. but i write what's on my heart. and this is it.
God, i don't want to ask You why. i don't want to wonder or get hurt or angry. i want to love You, and that means loving the story that You are writing that is my life. and to be honest, it's not hard at all. help me to be thankful for the things i've been given. for the things that i never even asked for but You gave anyways, becasue You knew i needed them. i love You.
it's harsh, but it's so true. when things don't go our way (my way), we sit and complain,and tear up and ask why? but what i have to keep telling myself is that it's not my place to ask why. We are told that we can ask God for things specificaly. we can petition him, beg him, plead with him. but is it our place to ask why? to demand answers? God doesn't answer to us. we answer to him, and the funny thing is: technically, we have chosen to do this. i chose to become dead to sin and a slave to righteousness. so then how come every time God tries to teach me something or help me grow (and using situations that we will remeber (i.e have hurt us) is the most useful way) i wind up pushing him away and saying. "I don't want this gift, take it back. Get Out Of My Face" ?
being imperfect sucks. we see something we want and try to work to get it, only to learn that it's free. and then, we have it. just like that. and it's amazing. and we are so thankful and want to show our gratitude... until we find out that it will mean effort and trust and perseverance. then we start to ask why? why do i have to do that? i don't want to. take it back.
the stupidest part? in the future i'm thankful that life sucked for a bit. becasue i learned. without life being a bit crappy i wouldn't have had as much compassion, and the desire to help people and save them from things, things that made me decided that i wanted to be a psychologist.
"No Pain, No Gain." that's it. end of story. "Everything Happens For A Reason." it seems this is a theme for me lately and I don't mean to be a downer, especially because it's the Christmas Season and i already have three of the best gifts i could have hoped for. but i write what's on my heart. and this is it.
God, i don't want to ask You why. i don't want to wonder or get hurt or angry. i want to love You, and that means loving the story that You are writing that is my life. and to be honest, it's not hard at all. help me to be thankful for the things i've been given. for the things that i never even asked for but You gave anyways, becasue You knew i needed them. i love You.
12.11.2006
second helpings
sometimes. sometimes just. just the thought. the littlest doubt. littlest notion. notion that this is. that what we are. what we can do. we are and do alone. but. do anything at all. anything we set our minds to. we can only do. can fully do. fully through Christ. through our Creator. our loving God. loving Saviour.
sometimes firsts don't make the cut. you have to use seconds. and maybe thirds. and sometimes it will seem like when you try to do this the world doesnt make sense anymore. but your first thought about what it is God wants you to do, isn't always what God wants you to do. and when you do the other thing, it might not make sense to you. but honestly, who cares? God is God. and that alone should be enough. thank-God (literally) that he forgives and gives us a second chance, and a third and thirty-third, to figure it out and get it right.
sometimes just the thought, the doubt, the notion that this is what we are: alone. that what we do we do: alone. But, what we do set our minds to, we can only do through our Creator Jesus Christ, our loving God and Saviour.
sometimes firsts don't make the cut. you have to use seconds. and maybe thirds. and sometimes it will seem like when you try to do this the world doesnt make sense anymore. but your first thought about what it is God wants you to do, isn't always what God wants you to do. and when you do the other thing, it might not make sense to you. but honestly, who cares? God is God. and that alone should be enough. thank-God (literally) that he forgives and gives us a second chance, and a third and thirty-third, to figure it out and get it right.
sometimes just the thought, the doubt, the notion that this is what we are: alone. that what we do we do: alone. But, what we do set our minds to, we can only do through our Creator Jesus Christ, our loving God and Saviour.
12.09.2006
strong-gles
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness." ~Jesus
God uses our weaknesses to bring him glory. Lately I have seen the truth of Paul's words when he said, "for when I am weak, them I am strong- the less I have, the more I depend on Him." {2 Corinthians 12:10} Sometimes God has to take away the oridinary and the comfortable so that we can lean on him.
Last night at the Embassy we were talking about certain areas of sin and why, as a youth group, it is so hard to talk about our struggles with one another. A lot of discussion centered around the cause of our reservations and people said that things like shame, feelings of inadequecy, pride, fear of being judged, and te notion that others won't understand keep us from telling others about our struggle with sin. But the one things we didn't get into too deeply was what can happen if we DO share our struggles with others.
Sin and weakness do not go to waste. God uses every single one of them to further his kingdom. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" ~Romans 8:28. EVERYTHING. That means sin too. I think that sometimes we fail to see that how our weaknesses could have the potential to bless other people.
What? yea, yea, I know crazy right? but it's not. This past week other people's apparents weaknesses have helped me to come to terms with something I have struggled with for a long time.
God works in the most unexpected ways. He used someone else's sin to help me overcome my insecurities and learn something that I knew all along, but hadn't really accepted.
So often we stop ourselves for sharing our problems because we don't want to burden someone else. But the fact is, as Christians, we are a family and that means we're all in this together. Galatians 6:2 says, "bear one anothers burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ." We think we are a burden when we share our troubles, but Jesus calls us to share them!
Telling other people about your struggles can encourage them and help them. It sounds outlandish- i know, but it's true. When people see your imperfections you don't always lose credibility, in fact a lot of times you mgiht actually gain it. Sharing shows other people that you're not perfect; you're human too. God uses every single thing in our lives to bring him glory and to build us up. Don't let the fear of being rejected stop you. If we always hid ourselves, afraid of what poeple would think, how could God use us?
"like common pottery we are fragile and flawed and break easily. But God will use us if we allow him to work through our weaknesses." ~ Rick Warren
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." ~2 Corinthians 4:7
God uses our weaknesses to bring him glory. Lately I have seen the truth of Paul's words when he said, "for when I am weak, them I am strong- the less I have, the more I depend on Him." {2 Corinthians 12:10} Sometimes God has to take away the oridinary and the comfortable so that we can lean on him.
Last night at the Embassy we were talking about certain areas of sin and why, as a youth group, it is so hard to talk about our struggles with one another. A lot of discussion centered around the cause of our reservations and people said that things like shame, feelings of inadequecy, pride, fear of being judged, and te notion that others won't understand keep us from telling others about our struggle with sin. But the one things we didn't get into too deeply was what can happen if we DO share our struggles with others.
Sin and weakness do not go to waste. God uses every single one of them to further his kingdom. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" ~Romans 8:28. EVERYTHING. That means sin too. I think that sometimes we fail to see that how our weaknesses could have the potential to bless other people.
What? yea, yea, I know crazy right? but it's not. This past week other people's apparents weaknesses have helped me to come to terms with something I have struggled with for a long time.
God works in the most unexpected ways. He used someone else's sin to help me overcome my insecurities and learn something that I knew all along, but hadn't really accepted.
So often we stop ourselves for sharing our problems because we don't want to burden someone else. But the fact is, as Christians, we are a family and that means we're all in this together. Galatians 6:2 says, "bear one anothers burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ." We think we are a burden when we share our troubles, but Jesus calls us to share them!
Telling other people about your struggles can encourage them and help them. It sounds outlandish- i know, but it's true. When people see your imperfections you don't always lose credibility, in fact a lot of times you mgiht actually gain it. Sharing shows other people that you're not perfect; you're human too. God uses every single thing in our lives to bring him glory and to build us up. Don't let the fear of being rejected stop you. If we always hid ourselves, afraid of what poeple would think, how could God use us?
"like common pottery we are fragile and flawed and break easily. But God will use us if we allow him to work through our weaknesses." ~ Rick Warren
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." ~2 Corinthians 4:7
12.07.2006
just trust
okay. WOW. i have so much to say. but i don't want to write a long blog because i think people just get bored and not read it...
so, let me just say. that this has been the best week, thought it doesn't feel like it because i am tired and have stress with school, and i have my G2 test tomorrow which i have also been stressing about. but in regards to my life, and the things God is doing, and showing me. WOW. that is all i can say. if i was a slim believer in the power of prayer before (which i wasn't, but we're pretending here) i am a huge believer now. This past week i prayed about something, well a situation, and that situation got fixed! and i didn't even have to do anything! the answer just landed in my hands (literally!). and i have been going back and forth (as perivous blogs state) and changing my mind about something, and then i realized, that me trying to make up my ind was getting in the way of God's plan. so i let it go and BAM! like Emeril "kicks it up a notch" by putting spices or whatnot into his recipe, God took my oh so typical mind changing ways and added the spice of surrender, and here am i -taking down the walls of things that i built up that were keeping me from seeing what really mattered. if it is God's will, it will happen. if it's not God will provide a way out. So not only did God provide a way with this decision i was trying to make, but he also provided a way out of a different situation that i was trying to get out of. just like that. three prayers and two days later and Kait doesn't have to worry about it anymore. how cool is that? how amazing must someone be to have that kind of power to change my world so easily? this is totally a, "im in awe, i don't know what to do. but i can't stop smiling 'cause i know it's You" blog. Sometimes i wonder where God is taking me. where the heck does this road lead? and then there are times like this week, when it seems like he is showing me. when you learn to trust God, he shows you the plan. But if you don't trust him, he doesn't always show you what he's doing. that's becasue Faith isn't about having proof. trust isn't about someone proving that they deserve it time and time again. God deserves our trust. He shouldn't have to prove it over and over, doing it once by sending his son is enough.
Thank-you, that's all i can say. darkness to light, You're always there- never fading.
so, let me just say. that this has been the best week, thought it doesn't feel like it because i am tired and have stress with school, and i have my G2 test tomorrow which i have also been stressing about. but in regards to my life, and the things God is doing, and showing me. WOW. that is all i can say. if i was a slim believer in the power of prayer before (which i wasn't, but we're pretending here) i am a huge believer now. This past week i prayed about something, well a situation, and that situation got fixed! and i didn't even have to do anything! the answer just landed in my hands (literally!). and i have been going back and forth (as perivous blogs state) and changing my mind about something, and then i realized, that me trying to make up my ind was getting in the way of God's plan. so i let it go and BAM! like Emeril "kicks it up a notch" by putting spices or whatnot into his recipe, God took my oh so typical mind changing ways and added the spice of surrender, and here am i -taking down the walls of things that i built up that were keeping me from seeing what really mattered. if it is God's will, it will happen. if it's not God will provide a way out. So not only did God provide a way with this decision i was trying to make, but he also provided a way out of a different situation that i was trying to get out of. just like that. three prayers and two days later and Kait doesn't have to worry about it anymore. how cool is that? how amazing must someone be to have that kind of power to change my world so easily? this is totally a, "im in awe, i don't know what to do. but i can't stop smiling 'cause i know it's You" blog. Sometimes i wonder where God is taking me. where the heck does this road lead? and then there are times like this week, when it seems like he is showing me. when you learn to trust God, he shows you the plan. But if you don't trust him, he doesn't always show you what he's doing. that's becasue Faith isn't about having proof. trust isn't about someone proving that they deserve it time and time again. God deserves our trust. He shouldn't have to prove it over and over, doing it once by sending his son is enough.
Thank-you, that's all i can say. darkness to light, You're always there- never fading.
things that make me happy
laughter. smiling. God. family. friends. hugs. chocolate. love. music. silly sayings. jokes. reading the Bible. reading. writing. colour. Heaven. soccer. honesty. guitar. talking. running in the rain. stars. moon. sunshine. leaves in the fall. sleep. snow. icecream. staying up late. Christmas. letters. candles. guitar players. forgivness. Christmas lights. singing. reconcilliation. unakward silence. real conversation. trust. peace. chick flicks. warmth. nature. night. pictures. kisses. truth. compassion. driving. gingerale.
12.01.2006
different
most people who know me, know i want to be a psychologist. it's small talk conversation, "so where do you want to go to school?" -Waterloo "what are you planning on taking there?" -psychology. but thought most people know what i want to do, very few know why. there's the surface stuff like, "oh i want to help people" or "i find it very interesting" or whatever other reason there may be. and then there's the real reason; the root of my life and identity. why do i really want to be youth counsellor? i guess you'll have to ask me to find out...
but i will say one thing- i DO want to help people. it weighs heavily on my heart to know that there are teens out there struggling with things like depression, eating disorders, suicide, drug addiction, and abuse. the reason i want to help people other than the obvious? because society (though it tries to portray itself as accepting) looks down on struggling teens and tells them that they don't have a chance. you can't make it.
"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them- yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me." [1Corinthians 15:10]
Okay, somebody needs to sing along with Kermit, "It's Not Easy Being Green." Why is it we always compare ourselves to others? We look around our school and think, "She's a better athlete, he's a better student, she's prettier, he has more money." The we go to church and do the same thing. "She's holier than I am, he knows the Scripture better, she goes to Bible study more often than I do, he sings in the choir." But God doesn't make inferior products (i.e., you and me). God makes treasures. Of all that God created, he loves us the most. Every time you think you don't measure up you're telling him, "Sorry, God, You dropped the ball on this one." Is that something you want to say to the one who created the universe?
The way we continually talk about our own inability is an insult to the Creator. The deploring of our own incompetence is a slander against God for having overlooked us. Get into the habit of examining in the sight of God the things that sound humble before men, and you will be amazed at how staggeringly inpertinent they are. "Oh, I shouldn't like to say I am sanctified; I'm not a saint." Say that before God; and it means -"No, Lord, it is impossible for You to save and sanctify me; there are chances I have not had; so many imperfections in my brain and body; no, Lord, it isn't possible." That may sound wonderfully humble before men, but before God it is an attitude of defiance.
Thank God for what he has made- YOU! Take a look at the flat-out blessing you are, and stand up and thanks God for you. You're worth it.
That's what i want to do. tell teens that they're worth it, that they aren't a screw up. one mistake shouldn't haunt you for a lifetime- i believe in second chances, and third and fourth, and hundredth. God does too. forgivness isn't something you measure out. forgivness is something you give without thinking of how much it will cost you. i think forgivness is a form of love. it takes love to forgive, it takes a love for other people and a willingness to let go of how badly they hurt you. why do i want to be a psychologist? so that when the world looks down on someone and tells them that they don't have a chance, i will look them in the eye and show them that they are loved. proving that to other people starts within yourself. God made you just the way he wanted to. God doen't make mistakes, or screw-ups, or losers. the world makes us that. but the thing is, God is bigger, stronger and more loving than the world- he created it didn't he? if people keep telling you that you can't do it you eventually start to believe it and that is where hope is lost. when other people give up on hope, we start to give up on ourselves. But we don't have to. a hundred people can tell you you can't make it, but it only takes one to tell you you can and have you believe it. I want to give people hope. maybe i can bring God into it, maybe i can't. but either way, i'll be helping people. don't let the world make you what it wants you to be, don't let it set you up to fail. but more than that, don't compare yourself to others. who wants to be the same? you are YOU. God made you that way, whether you believe it or not. we always look at other people and say "i wish i was more..." but we're not meant to be that. we are what we are for a reason. if we all had the same abilites then how could we help oneanother? if everyone was an amazing guitar player, there couldn't be any guitar teachers. of we were all amazing Christians, how could we have mentors? how could we grow and learn and discover?
sometimes (not all the time) our faults are what make us who we are. the hard times in life have shaped my identity. striving to become better (not like other people, but more like ME) has made me who i am today. my faults, the mistakes i've made and the hard times i've gone through make me ME. something that everyone else told me would bring me down, brought me up and helped me discover that i wanted to be a psychologist. my apparent flaws, have come to be the things i love the most. don't change for anyone else, change for God and for yourself. don't let other people tell you who to be, or how far you can go. there is no limit to what you can become.
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." ~Psalm 139:14
" I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phillipians 4:13
but i will say one thing- i DO want to help people. it weighs heavily on my heart to know that there are teens out there struggling with things like depression, eating disorders, suicide, drug addiction, and abuse. the reason i want to help people other than the obvious? because society (though it tries to portray itself as accepting) looks down on struggling teens and tells them that they don't have a chance. you can't make it.
"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them- yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me." [1Corinthians 15:10]
Okay, somebody needs to sing along with Kermit, "It's Not Easy Being Green." Why is it we always compare ourselves to others? We look around our school and think, "She's a better athlete, he's a better student, she's prettier, he has more money." The we go to church and do the same thing. "She's holier than I am, he knows the Scripture better, she goes to Bible study more often than I do, he sings in the choir." But God doesn't make inferior products (i.e., you and me). God makes treasures. Of all that God created, he loves us the most. Every time you think you don't measure up you're telling him, "Sorry, God, You dropped the ball on this one." Is that something you want to say to the one who created the universe?
The way we continually talk about our own inability is an insult to the Creator. The deploring of our own incompetence is a slander against God for having overlooked us. Get into the habit of examining in the sight of God the things that sound humble before men, and you will be amazed at how staggeringly inpertinent they are. "Oh, I shouldn't like to say I am sanctified; I'm not a saint." Say that before God; and it means -"No, Lord, it is impossible for You to save and sanctify me; there are chances I have not had; so many imperfections in my brain and body; no, Lord, it isn't possible." That may sound wonderfully humble before men, but before God it is an attitude of defiance.
Thank God for what he has made- YOU! Take a look at the flat-out blessing you are, and stand up and thanks God for you. You're worth it.
That's what i want to do. tell teens that they're worth it, that they aren't a screw up. one mistake shouldn't haunt you for a lifetime- i believe in second chances, and third and fourth, and hundredth. God does too. forgivness isn't something you measure out. forgivness is something you give without thinking of how much it will cost you. i think forgivness is a form of love. it takes love to forgive, it takes a love for other people and a willingness to let go of how badly they hurt you. why do i want to be a psychologist? so that when the world looks down on someone and tells them that they don't have a chance, i will look them in the eye and show them that they are loved. proving that to other people starts within yourself. God made you just the way he wanted to. God doen't make mistakes, or screw-ups, or losers. the world makes us that. but the thing is, God is bigger, stronger and more loving than the world- he created it didn't he? if people keep telling you that you can't do it you eventually start to believe it and that is where hope is lost. when other people give up on hope, we start to give up on ourselves. But we don't have to. a hundred people can tell you you can't make it, but it only takes one to tell you you can and have you believe it. I want to give people hope. maybe i can bring God into it, maybe i can't. but either way, i'll be helping people. don't let the world make you what it wants you to be, don't let it set you up to fail. but more than that, don't compare yourself to others. who wants to be the same? you are YOU. God made you that way, whether you believe it or not. we always look at other people and say "i wish i was more..." but we're not meant to be that. we are what we are for a reason. if we all had the same abilites then how could we help oneanother? if everyone was an amazing guitar player, there couldn't be any guitar teachers. of we were all amazing Christians, how could we have mentors? how could we grow and learn and discover?
sometimes (not all the time) our faults are what make us who we are. the hard times in life have shaped my identity. striving to become better (not like other people, but more like ME) has made me who i am today. my faults, the mistakes i've made and the hard times i've gone through make me ME. something that everyone else told me would bring me down, brought me up and helped me discover that i wanted to be a psychologist. my apparent flaws, have come to be the things i love the most. don't change for anyone else, change for God and for yourself. don't let other people tell you who to be, or how far you can go. there is no limit to what you can become.
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." ~Psalm 139:14
" I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phillipians 4:13
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