Get Out of My Face!

at some points in life i say: i don't want this. and i take what i have been given, and try to give it back to God. God, this isn't what i want, get out of my face!
it's harsh, but it's so true. when things don't go our way (my way), we sit and complain,and tear up and ask why? but what i have to keep telling myself is that it's not my place to ask why. We are told that we can ask God for things specificaly. we can petition him, beg him, plead with him. but is it our place to ask why? to demand answers? God doesn't answer to us. we answer to him, and the funny thing is: technically, we have chosen to do this. i chose to become dead to sin and a slave to righteousness. so then how come every time God tries to teach me something or help me grow (and using situations that we will remeber (i.e have hurt us) is the most useful way) i wind up pushing him away and saying. "I don't want this gift, take it back. Get Out Of My Face" ?
being imperfect sucks. we see something we want and try to work to get it, only to learn that it's free. and then, we have it. just like that. and it's amazing. and we are so thankful and want to show our gratitude... until we find out that it will mean effort and trust and perseverance. then we start to ask why? why do i have to do that? i don't want to. take it back.
the stupidest part? in the future i'm thankful that life sucked for a bit. becasue i learned. without life being a bit crappy i wouldn't have had as much compassion, and the desire to help people and save them from things, things that made me decided that i wanted to be a psychologist.
"No Pain, No Gain." that's it. end of story. "Everything Happens For A Reason." it seems this is a theme for me lately and I don't mean to be a downer, especially because it's the Christmas Season and i already have three of the best gifts i could have hoped for. but i write what's on my heart. and this is it.

God, i don't want to ask You why. i don't want to wonder or get hurt or angry. i want to love You, and that means loving the story that You are writing that is my life. and to be honest, it's not hard at all. help me to be thankful for the things i've been given. for the things that i never even asked for but You gave anyways, becasue You knew i needed them. i love You.