I have fallen into a slump lately.
Lately... really I mean for the past year.
I used to be so passionate about my future. I loved school, I was eager to learn and to grow and could not wait to take all that I was learning and put it into practice in the field. But now all I feel is lost. Lost. Lost. Lost. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Well, I have a general idea I guess: I know that I want to help others. But what does that even mean? There are thousands of things I could do that would encompass my desire to serve.
Last year I moved from wanting to become involved in international development, to more of a social development focus. As much as the state of the world bothers me; as much as it makes me heart break and I think that poverty is a human rights issue, I still believe that people's hearts and minds matter more. My friend reminded me of a quote from Mother Teresa:
"There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread."
I think that's true. As much as the dire physical situations of the poor evoke the sadness within, the psychological effects of life on an individual break my heart even more. Giving a poor woman who was raped as a child a job and access to adequate health care merely bandage the wound, they don't enable healing. I'm not saying that economic development isn't important, it definitely is. But I think that my calling is more towards the healing of hearts; the uniting of the bridges that divide human beings from one another. I mean, think about how many depressed people live in developed countries. We seem to have it all, but we're missing something that is so key: connection. We have the material side of life down pat, but I think we have a seriously tangled up idea about what real hope and joy look like. We've disconnected ourselves from each other, from the earth, and from God. We're just alone; putting more emphasis on money and possessions and careers than on people.
So, as I have become overwhelmed with the seemingly endless need that the world presents I continue to ask the same question: what can I, one person, do? The question is a complicated one, but really, the answer is easy: just trust. I continually worry about doing the right thing. Am I taking the right classes at school? Am I in the right program? What should my area of focus be? Should I get field experience now, or later? But God just keeps telling me: "I know the plans, Kait. I'm the architect, you're just the materials. Trust me because I know what I'm doing, I know where to put you, I know where you fit." Complicated questions that have easy answers are always frustrating because the answer is so easy, yet so hard to actually do.
So if you are in a similar position. If you don't really know where you fit, what your purpose is and how you as one person could ever make a difference, here is my piece of encouragement: Don't give up. If you have passionate anger and a bone to pick with the ways of the world, don't let that go. Don't succumb to the pressure to be just another human being, working their life away - but to what end? Whether you believe in God or not makes no difference. If you have a desire to make the world a better place, then you can do that. And honestly, I don't think it really matter how you do it. So stop trying to find the thing that will have the greatest impact on the world. Because you will never find it. The people that make the biggest differences are those that just followed their hearts and loved people. Think about it: even if all you do is help one person, that is still one person. One less broken person. One life changed. How many other people can say that? That they befriended a stranger and gave hope to someone else, forever changing their life? I'm guessing not too many. So don't give up. Every drop of water in the bucket of change moves the bucket one drop closer to its tipping point.
peace and love,
Kait
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