changing years...

Last night I was hanging out with my friends when one of them said, "I wish you were a year younger... well, that we could rewind this past year and you never would have met certain people and then things could have been the way you wanted them."
And at first I agreed, I mean things would have been a heck of a lot easier if certain things hadn't happened. I could have been "happier."
But I woke up this morning and as my friend's words came back to me I began to reject what she had said. It was my birthday on Sunday. 19, I can hardly believe it. But though 18 was a hard year for me, it was also one of the best and I wouldn't trade any of it, the heartache, the pain, the smiles, the laughter, nothing. Maybe if things had turned out differently I could have what I want, but at the same time, I like my life how it is. Everything that happened has it's purpose and it's place, not one moment was a waste. I learned a lot, especially when it came to matters of the heart like friendship, love, and forgiveness.
I fell in love this year. And I don't think that would have happened if I hadn't gone through the things I did. I don't think I would have the relationship that I have with God right now if it weren't for those hard times when it seemed like he was all I had. Strength is built in weakness, love built in war.
In one of the cards I recieved a close friend of mine wrote, "18 was good. But 19 will be great..."
I hope she's right.
This year is full of new begginings. New home, new school, new friends, new opportunities. A ton of new experiences. I hope everything changes. I hope that I learn to love and appreciate my family and friends more, I hope I discover things I have never known, I hope that things don't stay the same because on this earth nothing is perfect, so that means that things can only get better. They could get worse, but that only means that eventually they will have to get better.
I'm finally choosing to look at the better side of life. Instead of wishing that last year had been different (and don't get me wrong my friend had the BEST of intentions in saying that. She wanted me to be happy... and I am) I choose to see how great it really was. Maybe things that happened then are hindering me now, but that's the way they are supposed to be and that only means that there is something much greater out there waiting for me. Waiting for me to find it and embrace it and call it my own. Maybe I would have been stronger had I not been hurt, maybe I would have been a better Christian had I not screwed up those times, maybe I would still have certain friendships. But maybe, what I have now is better. God has the ultimate plan for me and that plan is perfect. So no matter what I go through, no matter the weight life puts on my, I know in the end it will all be worth it, because when I reach my everlasting I will be the happiest girl on earth, and in heaven.
Amen.