Forget the Varnish

There is this girl that I’m not the biggest fan of. The reasons are not important. Let’s just say, we have very different outlooks on life and on how people should be treated. But I was thinking today, what would I think if I found out that she liked the same websites that I did? If she has the same favorite band or liked to read the same books or, for goodness sake, wrote poetry? This girl could like all of the same things that I do. She could love to write and have upwards of nine thousand songs on her iTunes and love perusing random photography websites. The things that I consider to have contributed largely to the person that I am today could have influenced her as well. What would I do if she happened to be just like... me?

Would I stop liking the things that I like? Would I consider them to be vile now that I had found out someone like her liked them? Would I change myself so that I was not like her in any way? Well, of course not, that’s just juvenile. If we all went around forsaking the things that our enemies liked, we would end up with no hobbies and live pretty boring lives.

Now, I can imagine some of you are wondering how a girl that blogs mostly about loving others and being peaceful could have such an enemy as this girl. Well, it’s a long story, and like I said, the reasons are not important. What’s important is that I am working on it. I don’t even know this girl really. I have never had more than a 5 minute conversation with her, have never laughed with her, or made the effort to be her friend. But somewhere between being able to put a name to her face, I have come to loathe her. But I’m working on it. She is my ‘neighbor’ and I am supposed to love her. And so, sometimes I try and imagine what I would do if I ever saw her again, and I try and make myself imagine that I would smile and continue on my way, wishing neither good nor ill. Right now, I’m working on indifference, I guess we’ll get to the loving part later.


But through this experience, I have come to this conclusion: we have a lot more in common with our enemies than we think. But this isn’t something that should make us cringe or want to disown our likes and dislikes. Instead, it should aid us in realizing that our enemies really shouldn’t be enemies. Yes, they probably did something that is worthy of hatred. Maybe they slept with your boyfriend or lied about you to your best friend or are cheating on your roommate. But what we need to realize is that though this vile thing they did is definitely hateable; they, as a person, should not be. I mean come on, how productive is hating someone? It makes you not want to enter social situations when you know that your enemy/frenemy/whatshisname is going to be there. It makes you walk around thinking about all the nasty looks that you are going to give them if by some happenstance you bump into them. Trust me, I have been there, done those things, and really, it’s all just so toxic. We spend a lot of valuable time hating people, scheming up ways to get back at them, gossiping about them, but to what end? When it’s all said and done you are still you, they are still them, and you still hate each other. Maybe, if you’re really skilled, you have gotten some of your friends to hate this person as well, but I’m guessing that most of the people who hear you talk about that person end up respecting you less, not him/her. Girls, this is especially important for us because guys do not like girls who gossip. Let me repeat that. Guys do not like girls who gossip. Gossip creates drama and growing up with three brothers has taught me that most guys do not appreciate drama; in fact, it’s a pretty big turnoff for most of them.

So if you are the type to make New Year’s Resolutions, resolve to hate people less. I’ll even give you a practical skill: use some basic psychological conditioning and over the next few weeks, every time you start to think about that person you hate, eat some chocolate and think about the person you love most instead. I guarantee it will add some joy to your life, and possibly to your taste buds. I hope that we all can agree that a commitment to loving each other is a good thing and that by eliminating hatred, we will free up time and room for the better things in life.

photo via (we heart it)