beautiful

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light."
~1 Peter 2: 9

Sometimes i can't get my head around the fact that we are chosen. Does that mean that God choses for some people to follow him and other not to? Because if God's gift of grace is offered to everyone and it is up to us to use our free-will and decided to accept that gift, than how can we be chosen? Sometimes God confuses me. I have been a Christian for about 13 years and still, after all that time and studying God's word and getting to know him personally, there are still things that just throw my understanding of God out of whack.
But i think that that's what makes God and his mercy so beautiful; we have never experienced a love like God's ever before. We don't understand that God can instantly forgive us and forget our sins when we ask because we have never experienced that kind of grace on Earth. We can't understand certain things about God because they don't measure up to what we know from our experiences here on Earth. And i think that is cool, because that means that we will never stop learning. We will continue to discover new things and learn new things about the extent of God's love and the depth of his character. Our relationship with God will never become boring or old news, because God isn't boring and everything we learn about him is new. Life is an endless journey of discovery. It's an adventure that won't end on the day that we die, but will continue to bring us hope, joy, and peace in eternity. That is beautiful.
The one thing i do understand about God is that his love pure and it is endless and that because we are a chosen people we get to experience that love in it's fullest form. God will never stop loving us, even if we stop loving him. That is the most beautiful thing of all.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

>>Marianne Williamson

fadeaways...

It is becoming evermore clear to me that tradgedy creates unity.
Two years ago today and earthquake rocked the planet, causing a devestating tsunami to hit Southern Asia. But did the world fall apart and get washed away in their greif'? Nope. Instead we drew together, raising money, praying, doing relief work. And when multiple hurricanes hit the Southern USA, did we turn our backs? did we cringe and get angry and run around like chickens wondering what we're supposed to do? Again, no. we helped oneanother.
Even though these tradgedies happened miles and miles away, they still affected us. And even though the people that were affected were probably total strangers, we still helped them? Why? Because in the midst of tradgedy love, compassion, kindness, and generousity are brought out. It might be a far stretch, but sometimes, the hard times bring out the best in us.
That makes me smile. Because when it seems that everything has failed, and the world has literally fallen apart, we don't. That just goes to show that humans are made to be children of God. Animals don't have the kind of compassion for oneanother. An animal's basic instinct is survival. Animals think me first, me last. But because humans are created in God's image, we have a different perspective. Yea, alot of the time we get absorbed in our own lives, and our own problems. But i find that when we see a friend (or even a stranger) in need, we tend to forget about our needs and try to help them out.
That gives me hope-a hope it seems I've been lacking lately. The past few days i had lost all hope in the world, i had been let down one too many times and i didn't see the point. But who lives like that? honestly? it's CRAZY! If God is your hope, than life shouldn't be dull or a let down like that at all. no matter how much others let you down, God is ALWAYS THERE. He is the ONLY one who will never fade away. Plus, don't let what a few people do determine your whole life outlook. If i met someone, i wouldn't want them to not even try to have a friendship with me just cuz they've been hurt before, because i am not those other people. You have to keep trusting, and believing. We have such a bad view of the world and we think that what a couple people do defines what everyone does. But life's not like that. We aren't all the same. and God made us, so that gives us a chance to become something better than what the world has reduced us to.
Don't give up hope (even if it's for only a spell, like mine was). I used to live like that, never taking chances, never trusting, just building up walls and trying to protect myself. But once you take down the walls, and let God change your view of the world, life becomes this amazing adventure. I know it's not easy, I still struggle with it. It's hard for me to even talk to my own friends sometimes because the world has given me this artificial feeling of mistrust and fear of rejection. But slowly but surely, things change. Pray like mad that God will change you view. Yea, sometimes the world isn't so great. But God always is! and (as has been mentioned in other blogs) when people show just a little bit of compassion and love for oneanother, the earth experiencesa little bit of Heaven on Earth. If you're too afraid to live for the fadeaways then live for God- the only one who will never fade, but shines brighter everyday. When you decided to live for God, you take chances because you love God, and because you love God, you love his people and are willing to risk everything and anything to help them find the hope that you've found. When you see the tradegy, it should make you want to create unity because no one can get through life alone. "We all need somebody to lean on."
God is inside you and He shines. Jesus is the light, you are the mirror, so show that light to the world.

"Our perspective on life is what creates our reality: change your perspective, change your reality." --from a book... that Sven read... don't know what it's called, but thanks Sven!

Christmas List

my family and i went to see The Nativity last night.. and it was pretty good. it was actually really accurate and incorporated a lot of actual Scripture intpo the script; which i thought was really cool.
it got me in the mood for Christmas, because lately (as my blogs show.. ugh) i havn't really been in the Christmas spirit. i just hate tha Christmas has gotten so commercialized. i mean yea, Christmas is about giving. Christmas is Christ's birthday and on Christmas God gave the Earth the best gift, the gift of a sAviour, of their Messiah, the One who would save them from their sins. but thoguht Christmas IS about giving, i think we've put a little too much emphasis on the giving and getting parts.
People run around store's pushing and shoving, driving like maniac's on the street honking their horns. "I gotta get done! Christmas is 2 days away!" That is what Christmas has been made into. But goign to see the Nativity last night with the fam was amazing. Iit gave me peace and reminded me of what Christmas is really about, and gave me the examples of Mary and Joeseph- two young adults who patiently, yet earnestly sought the will of God.
That is what i want this Christmas. presnet, meh. candy, i've had enough this past week to hold me over till New Years (haha). but family, friends, conversation, laughter, love. That's what i want for Christmas. But more than that i want to sit back and remember what God did, what he gave and how giving that gift was the most loving, unselfish risk ever. yea i gave my family a list of things i wouldn't mind unwraping Christmas morning, but the only thing i asked God for is for me to do his will, like Mary and Joeseph did. No matter how people may look at me, or laugh, or disown. I just want to give a gift to my Saviour.
Two-thousand and Six years ago, God sent his Son Jesus to save my life. The least i can do now is live it for Him.

p.s! where is the snow!? it better be here on New Years, or i will be mucho upseto!

Christmas Story

This Season, is all about Jesus. And this post, is all about Jesus, whom i love with all my heart. Happy Early Birthday Jesus. I have peace in my heart because of You, and only You.

This is a little modern/story-like version of the Christmas story, and i thought it was really cool. I still can't believe the story of Christmas and how amazing it is, how amazing God is to send his only Son to the world, to be born in a stable surrounded by animals, and yet to come and be the Saviour of the World, and of my heart. This is what Christmas is really about. Remembering God and his gift, the best Christmas gift that could ever be given and that money can never buy.

They left their home, the new cradle still swinging from the rafters. Night after night the aroma of fresh-cut wood had filled the room as Joseph had patiently fashioned the tiny cradle, using the same chisel and saw he usually put down at dusk.
Now Joseph wiped the tears from Mary's cheeks and shut the door behind them. "It'll be okay," he told her, as he cinched up their belongings on the donkey.
"Joseph, can't we wait a few days? The baby could come any time." She didn't want to leave home. Not now.
"We've waited for the baby as long as we dare." He was ready to get on the road. "We have to leave today or I'll be arrested for not appearing in Bethlehem for the census."
"At least bring the cradle, Joseph," she pleaded. "I want the baby to have something nice."
"No, it'll have to stay behind. The baby will be rocking in it soon enough."
Joseph tugged hard at the donkey's halter. No luck. "Come on, animal," he shouted, whacking it on the rear end to get it moving. Grudgingly the donkey responded. With one hand Joseph led the donkey, with the other he steadied Mary on the steep incline, slowly enough to accommodate her ungainly progress down the winding road which led from Nazareth's height. In the house above, the cradle hung still.
Five days and ninety bone-weary miles later, Joseph searched the small stable where they were staying on the outskirts of crowded Bethlehem. Mary's time would be soon now. He was careful to keep his lamp from igniting the old straw. He finally settled on an ancient stone manger for the baby's bed, cut from the wall of the limestone cave which housed the animals. He reached in to scoop the last gritty bits of straw from the manger's dank bottom. "That'll have to do," he muttered. He filled the trough with an armful of fresh fodder, which he covered with a folded blanket to keep the animals away.
It was well past midnight by the time Mary finished washing and wrapping her new baby. Now she lifted him gently into his new bed. Joseph put his arm around her shoulders as they gazed at the sleeping infant.
Mary touched the tiny fingers. "That cradle you spent so much time on would be real nice right now, Joseph." She looked up at the cave's low ceiling. "You could hang it somewhere. No baby I know has a cradle like that. It's fit for a king."
Joseph grinned. "Not every boy has a carpenter for a dad," he said. But he wondered. Why couldn't little Jesus be home in that cradle? Why does this special child the angel told Mary and him about have to be born in this smelly stable? A hill-country carpenter's home is bad enough. Why here? Why Bethlehem?
The answer wasn't long in coming. An older boy poked his head in the door, startling the couple from their quiet moment. "Is there a baby in here?" he mumbled apologetically. Then he saw the tiny child. Mary picked her baby up to shield the infant from his eyes. The face disappeared.
Mary's eyes mirrored Joseph's concern. He strode to the cave's opening. He could hear a distant call, "Over here, Jake found him!" In the darkness, Joseph could make out a handful of forms coming toward him. He gripped his stout wooden staff and stood resolutely at the door.
As they approached the stable he could see they were shepherds. Joseph's grip on the staff tightened. The oldest one spoke hesitantly. "Can we come in? We have ... ah ... come to see the Christ-child."
Joseph glanced at Mary. He could feel a tingle move down his spine. This was more than an accident. The whole fantastic course of events was far more than an accident. He nodded and stepped back into the stable. "Yes, come in. You are welcome."
The shepherds shuffled into the cramped cave. The youngest pushed in alongside the donkey to get a better view. They knelt. "God be praised!" The old shepherd spoke with deepest reverence.
"It's just like the angel told us," another whispered in awe. "'Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people,' the angel said."
"Imagine! An angel . . . talking to us!" the old man interjected with rising excitement. "None of the uppity-ups in this town would lower themselves to talk to us shepherds," he added. "But an angel did . . . And the child is right here in a stable so we can come and see him." Rivulets of tears were inching down the shepherd's weathered face.
Joseph stared at the old man. "How did you find us?" he finally asked.
The boy who had first peeked in answered. "The angel said, 'Unto you is born....'"
"Yes, to us!" The beaming old man couldn't contain himself.
The boy spoke deliberately, as if to remember the exact words: "Unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior ..."
"That's here--Bethlehem--David's birthplace," the littlest boy interrupted. He thrust out his chest proudly. "King David was a shepherd, too, you know."
The older boy continued. " . . . a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord."
"The Christ, the Messiah . . . He's the one!" The old man pointed to the baby.
"The angel was very specific," the young man went on. "'And this shall be a sign unto you. You shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.'" He grinned. "How could we miss? We just ran into town and checked every stable until we found you . . . found him." The boy paused. "How many newborns in Bethlehem do you know with a cattle manger for a cradle?"
Joseph chuckled. So that was it. The heavenly Father Himself had provided a bed for His child. A special cradle. A sign to these crude shepherds that God cared for them too.
Joseph squeezed Mary's hand very tightly and closed his eyes. Thank-you, Father. He whispered. Thank-you.

last

i am utterly exhausted... it feels like i have not slept in weeks, even though i had a 40 minute power nap this afternoon. last month was amazing. it was like something had suddenly clicked inside of me and life started making sense. i knew what i had to do and i did it. but lately it feels like that purpose and that peace has been fading. and it's Christmas. and im sitting here like, God why can't i find you right now? cuz it feels like he's so far away. it feels like everyone's far away, i think i push people out and if i'm doing that to you right now, tell me, don't let me, i'll thank you later on.
i hate that these last couple post's have been downers- that's December for me this year. I started this month (of course coming out of my amazing November) thinking that this would be the best Christmas ever, but it's starting to look like if i don't change something, it might shape up to be the worst. the worst part is- i know it's me, i know that something is keeping me from God and from my friends, but i just can't figure out what it is or how to change it.
Last night we had the Impact Christmas Banquet, and it went SO well! way better than i expected. things went smoothly and i think everyone had a ton of fun, and i actually (other than the stress) had a TON of fun planning it out. And we also had some amazing people volunteering and totally serving God by serving us that night. God is so amazing and it's is SWEET how much he can do! the youth of Valley View have raised over $1,000 for Blood:Water Mission in the past 2 months!!
but after it was all over and i had carried all the stuff to my car, i didn't feel this weight lift from my shoulders or find myself thinking, "ahh it's done, no more worries, that was fantastic." instead i drove home and then sat in my driveway and cried. what the heck is wrong with me? then today, at my family Christmas, i got there and just felt like crying. maybe i'm just tired, or maybe there's something bigger going on. i don't know. maybe im not doing what im supposed to be doing and so i don't feel right. i don't normally post stuff like this on the internet, but i know that most of the people that read this blog [which you have stopped commenting on! :(] are mostly my close friends, and so the reason i'm telling you this is so that once again, i can ask you to pray for me. It just seems like lately i havn't had the time (or the motivation) to talk to people about how i'm really doing. people ask "how are you" and i say, "im okay" and they say "oh that's great!" thats great? sorry but i wish i was more than okay. i wish i was fantastic. but i don't just walk up to people and be like "yea im having a bad day and i want to talk about it". much of the time i want to talk, but find it akward to randomly bring it up unless someone actually asks, or if comes up somehow. it's stupid. GAH.
but even though i am having a crappy month, i know that God's there through it all and for the first time (well other than this summer) i'm not blaming him. i know i'm going to learn something from this and that my faith will be that much stronger because of the crappiness. but right now i don't know how to get out of this cycle. so please, pray. don't feel obligated, but if you feel God putting it on your heart... i can't even tell you how much that would mean to me.

so i know. my blog is a little hard on the eyes. but i've been trying to pick a new template and make it so it's easier to read. but i just don't like them as much, or someone else has that template. and i am me. i like being original. i like being different. and most of all i like being colourful. and that's what this blog lets me do. it's vibrant. and loud. like me. you like it or you don't. it's really not about what it looks like, it's about what it says.
so guys, im sorry, i tried i really did. but the other designs just weren't me. so if it's hard to read, im sorry. but sometimes, so am i.