Someone said to me that a lot of people say "God provides" and then use that as an excuse to not do anything for themselves. Well now I am one of them. The bank was running low, and though I knew that I should have been looking for a job, I decided to be lazy and trust that "God will provide."
Maybe God only provides when you're doing what he wants you to do. Maybe God provides when you make the first step yourself.

It's much like prayer. You can pray and expect God to answer your prayer, but many times we pray and then do nothing ourselves. Sometimes we have to realize that God acts through us. Maybe we pray for our friend to become a Christian, but then don't show them what Jesus' love really means. Maybe we pray for our friend to feel encouraged, but then don't send them an encouraging note or phone call. Maybe we pray that God will provide for us, but then don't seek out opportunities for him to bless us.

I cannot even contain my smiles this week.

My words won't even do justice to the peace and fulfillment that God has placed in my life over this past month.

That is all. Just peace. Take it from someone who knows: when hope is lost, it can only be found again.

May you live this week in the grace of God, and may He bless you in all you do.

"For the Lord is God, and he created the heavens and earth and put everything in place. He made the world to be lived in, not to be a place of empty chaos." -Isaiah 45:18

where's the love?

This is an exerpt from a private letter to Brian Flemming, an atheist movie producer: "You've definately got some nerve! I'd love to take a knife, gut you fools, and scream with joy as your insides spill out in front of you. You are attempting to ignite a Holy War in which someday i, and others like me, may have the pleasure of taking the action like the above mentioned. However, God teaches us not to seek vengance but to pray for those like you all. Therefore, I'll get comfort knowing that the punishment God will bring to you will be a thousand times worse than anything I can inflict. The best part will be that you will suffer for eternity for these sins that you're completely ignorant about. The wrath of God will show no mercy for your sake. I hope the truth is revealed to you before the knife conects with your flesh.
P.S. Merry Christmas."

That letter was sent my a Christian in a North aMerican country.
Funny how though the crusades are over, we still find ways to impose religious violence on those who do not agree with our beliefs, even if those methods are not directly violent themselves.
I've started listening to a series of sermons by Bruxey Cavey titled "The God Debate." I listened to the first sermon today (yes I took up listening to sermons. no Bjorn did not influence me. I gave up TV for Lent and took up more audio...)
Whether you believe in God or not, I encourage you to listen to these sermons. They aren't what you expect, and I think that's why I like them so much. I always catch myself saying, "Christianity isn't a religion, it's a relationship." Those words are true, but how many Christians actually act that out these days? Bruxey's talks are an attempt to bring understanding between Christians and Atheists. He attempts to bridge the gap, explore common ground and show where Christians, who think they are always right and everything an atheist or believer in evolution says is wrong, are actually wrong themselves.
His point is education, no ignorance. Understanding, not bigotry. Love, not hatred.
Really interesting. And eye opening, considering that I myself, growing up in a Christian home, would never have thought that a Christian would write a letter like the one quoted above to an atheist, someone they should be extending love and compassion to.
We want change and then we don't realize that we are the ones stopping it from happening.
Christianity is supposed to be the "Religion of Love." Where the heck has that idea gone?
Anyways... some more random thoughts.

what do we know? (part 2)

I’ve heard people say that Christianity is a crutch for people who can’t deal with life. Maybe that’s true for some, but for me, being a Christian is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I don’t think a day goes by when people don’t scoff at me for believing in God. “Look at you,” they say. “You just believe everything that people tell you about God.” The thing is, I don’t. Christians get labelled as hopefuls who take everything the pastor in their church or a random book says as absolute truth. But I’m not like that. Trust me, I’ve tried to prove that God doesn’t exist, or that what the Bible says about him is a lie, but in the end it only made me believe in God more.
I don’t use “religion” as a crutch. In reality, Jesus wrecked my life. It’s like some people have this notion that when a problem in my life comes along I just “give it to God” and don’t worry about it. But giving things to God is easier said than done. I don’t think trust is an easy thing for anyone; it sure isn’t for me. Especially when it comes to God, someone I can’t see and interact with the way I can a fellow human being.
Christianity has not made my life easier. Because of God I have a huge conscience – a good thing, but a heavy one too.
I can’t lie; knowing that God loves me does make things in my life more bearable. But getting to that point where you really understand that God’s love is endless and unconditional, that’s hard. I’ve been a Christian since I knew what the word meant, and I’m still not at that point. Hearing something is one thing, but believing it, that’s a something else altogether.
Some people think that my belief is naïve. But I don’t just believe in God, I know Him. Some things in life have proved to me that He’s there, and that He is who He says He is. So you may look at me and think that I’m naïve, ignorant, even weak. But the reality - I believe what I believe because I choose to, not because someone else told me to. I don’t just take in information and declare it truth. I explore, I get curious and attempt to discover the truth. I test “faith” hypotheses like a mad scientist. The weak part - yea, maybe you’re right. The fact that I acknowledge that I need someone other than myself alone makes me weak in the world’s eyes. But I don’t care.
What do I know? Not much. But what I do know, I know for sure.
Why do I know? Now that’s the question we should be asking…

what do we know?

Really: what do we know?
One thing is for sure, I don't know much.
8 months ago I made a (hard) decision to take a break from the dating world and focus on learning to love myself and God more. A whole year without dating. At first it didn't seem like the hardest thing; it's not like I dated much in the fisrt place.
But what I didn't realize in the moment when I made the decision not to date for a year was that things wouldn't instantly be perfect just because I decided to cut something out of my life for a little while. I had this idea that moving away from dating would be moving away from heartache. And yet, heartache still follows me. But these past 8 months have been interesting. I have struggled with the whole "no dating" thing. Opportunities have presented themselves, people have come into my life that I had a hard time saying no to, I've screwed up one too many times. But today I realized something about the past 8 months. The whole time I had been expecting that as soon as I took my focus off guys, I would instantly focus on God. Boy, was I wrong.
But I think I'm okay with that. Becasue though the past 8 months have been a real test of my love for God, they have also been a learning experience. Loving God is not too different from loving a person on earth. Both relationships take work, patience, love, and a whole lot of forgiveness. I guess I had started to view God more of a god, than as an actual person. Just because I made a commitment to stop dating and instead focus on learning to love myself and love God, doesn't mean that's what's going to happen, at least not right away. Learning to love God and like the person that He made me is going to take a long time. But I'm getting there.
Today is Ash Wednesday and marks the start of the season of Lent. It doesn't really matter what I'm giving up, just as long as I'm doing it for God, not for anything else.
What do I know? As these next 40 days of Lent, and 4 months of singleness, go on I'm sure to learn, to grow, to change. Heck, who knows? Maybe I'll even stay the same, but I doubt it.
One thing I DO know? God's going to be with my through it all. Doesn't matter what I used to think, what I used to believe. I'm going to make it this time.
That's what I know...

"What Do We Know?" -Thousand Foot Krutch
Pick up the phone, nobody's home, I’m all alone. We've all been here before. Yesterday, I saw a change, another way, as you walked out the door. It’s a twist, a little bit, I’ll admit.
But we're stronger than before. Open up, we've had enough, we've had enough, now we're holdin' on and waiting...
What do we know? What do we know? What do we know? What do we know? What do we know? What do we know? I'll tell you what they're all sayin'
We all try to be somebody but the world around us makes it so cloudy when we all trust where we're supposed to. But the blood on their hands says we're not close to the answer yet. But maybe if we pulled together, we could change a million lives for the better. And maybe, if we prayed a little more, we would stop living in fear from the storm. And everyone sings....
What do we know?

time flies and lullabys

Wow it's been awhile...
It's almost crazy to think about how much time has gone by
My writing has been seriously lacking lately. Both in this blog and in my private stash of words and sentances. Time just seems to slip away, either that or I've found something better to do... haha yea right. Honestly, I write a lot still, but instead of posting it on my blog or writing it in my journal it seems to stay locked and hidden away in a Microsoft Word document, waiting for me to open a folder and remember all those words i had once written.
Looking back on things I've written is taking a trip down memory street to the max. Not only do I get to remember what I was doing, but I get to remember exactly how I was feeling, not always the best thing in the world.
Anyways... This post is pretty much dedicated to Jodi, who said that she missed my blog posts just as much as I did. Jodi's always been my # 1 writing fan, sometimes I wonder why becasue really, my writing can get quite depressing at times. But who knows, maybe it's jsut what people need at times...
I've been meaning to write, but I just never find the time to open up my web browser and get the job done.
So here is Jodi: this post is my procrastination from writing my RS essay and my dive back into the writing world... Hope you enjoy!!!
____________________________________________________
Time flies and lullabys
maybe my sheer honesty will shut you up and make you think
that's quite enough for me
but I guess you always complained too frequently

blue eyes and love-induced cries
today it's like we're almost on the brink
never though i'd be okay being me
but we love to sit and talk constantly

truth lied and simple rhymes
you always ask me why our insides are pink
my answers good for me
But you love to be so confusing

...paragraphs respond with sentances and words with noise
when time flies and lullabys

really...

I wasn't quite sure how to start this post.
It seems like this year is the subject of friendship keeps coming up.
I've been learning so many things, and it's interesting, the most important things I've learnt are things that I've learnt in church, and yet have been told by non-Christians.
I won't go into details. If you want the stories behind these lessons you can ask me, cuz they're pretty cool. But if you're going to listen to anything I say in these blogs, take these two peices of advice into consideration.
Monday night at the Embassy the topic of Friendship came up again and reinforced my idea of what a real friend is:

1) Someone who understands. You don't call? It's okay, You're busy, I'll work around that. You screwed up, I'll forgive you. You're tired and irritable? It's okay, we've all been there. It's not about trying to constantly figure someone out, but about understanding where they come from (even if you really don't) and being there for them.

2) Someone who loves. Phileo love. You choose to love your friends regardless of who they are, or who they have been. When they screw up, you forgive them. When they forget things, you remind them. When they fail, you help them do better. You conscously choose to let them little things becasue, in the bigger scheme of things, your friendship is more important.

At the Embassy Dom said that these days few people appreciate real friendship becasue few experience. I guess I'm lucky to be someone who has.
But he also said that friendship isn't about what you can get out of a relationship. It's about giving something. You aren't friends with someone because they can do something for you. You're friends with them becasue you want to do something for them. Friendship is a gift, but it's not one that you should expect to get, only one that you unconditionally should expect yourself to give. That's why it's one of the four loves. It's not about you. It's about your friends. Be friends with them for them, because you love them and want the best for them, be real.

-kait